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Some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. What is your opinion? kxDyd
Youth vulnerability is of no doubt as history has shown us enough how cruel life has been to innocent defenseless children. To diminish this phenomenon, some people believe that schools should include a practical course in their curriculum so they learn how to protect themselves. Opponents, however, including me, believe that by doing so, we not only destroy pupils' feelings but also leave them with the obsession of insecurity yet it is not an absolutely ideal idea. First and most importantly, launching such a scheme destroys pupils’ feelings. While affection and intimacy bring a smile to our faces, presenting the cruel face of the world and how to tackle it absolutely devastates the temperament. Providing that students are to feel how brutal the cosmo is and get to prepare themselves to fight, the notion of friendship and unity becomes absurd and the child loses his/her sentimentality gradually as it is proved in children playing violent video games. Besides, the ultimate destruction also might occur as in this period they learn the radical facts of life. This way, adolescents get to ignore their feelings since it is no place to express them freely; some African countries are convincing cases up to the point of making killing machines out of their youngsters according to UNICEF. Moreover, talking of attack and defense leaves them with the obsession of insecurity. This way, the child starts to have butterflies in his/her stomach constantly; my sister, for example, sent her son to a martial school at a way early age; my nephew now suffers from severe anxiety and depression for no specific reasons. Besides, as we are all what we were taught as a kid, having such classes makes the forthcoming generations walking stress capsules! Nevertheless, we cannot shut our eyes to true facts and progressing crimes such as kidnaping, rape, conspiracy and fraud, murder and so on; therefore, wise careful strategies just to open their eyes wide is definitely beneficial. Also, till when are we going to lie to them about the real world out there? They have to meet the bitter truths sooner or later as did Buddha. To sum up, although running physical defense classes can lead to stressful conditions, it is also not appropriate to leave them unconscious; thus, officials should seriously embed this issue in their top priorities as it still has not got late.
Youth vulnerability is of no doubt as history has shown us
enough
how cruel life has been to innocent defenseless children. To diminish this phenomenon,
some
people
believe that schools should include a practical course in their curriculum
so
they learn how to protect themselves. Opponents,
however
, including me, believe that by doing
so
, we not
only
destroy
pupils' feelings
but
also
leave
them with the obsession of insecurity
yet
it is not an
absolutely
ideal
idea
.
First
and most
importantly
, launching such a scheme
destroys
pupils’ feelings. While affection and intimacy bring a smile to our faces, presenting the cruel face of the world and how to tackle it
absolutely
devastates the temperament. Providing that students are to feel how brutal the
cosmo
is and
get
to prepare themselves to fight, the notion of friendship and unity becomes absurd and the child loses his/her sentimentality
gradually
as it
is proved
in children playing violent video games.
Besides
, the ultimate destruction
also
might occur as in this period they learn the radical facts of life. This way, adolescents
get
to
ignore
their feelings since it is no place to express them
freely
;
some
African countries are convincing cases up to the point of making killing machines out of their youngsters according to UNICEF.
Moreover
, talking of attack and defense
leaves
them with the obsession of insecurity. This way, the child
starts
to have butterflies in his/her stomach
constantly
; my sister,
for example
,
sent
her son to a martial school at a way early age; my nephew
now
suffers from severe anxiety and depression for no specific reasons.
Besides
, as we are all what we
were taught
as a kid, having such classes
makes
the forthcoming generations walking
stress
capsules!
Nevertheless
, we cannot shut our eyes to true facts and progressing crimes such as
kidnaping
, rape, conspiracy and fraud, murder and
so
on;
therefore
, wise careful strategies
just
to open their eyes wide is definitely beneficial.
Also
, till when are we going to lie to them about the real world out there? They
have to
meet
the bitter truths sooner or later
as
did Buddha. To sum up, although running physical defense classes can lead to stressful conditions, it is
also
not appropriate to
leave
them unconscious;
thus
, officials should
seriously
embed this issue in their top priorities as it
still
has not
got
late.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
394 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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