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Some people believe that school children should be required to do free social work after the school.  Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people believe that school children should be required to do free social work after the school. PEQA2
The majority of people consider the benefits of social work and do recommend to school children should be directed to do this. To me, I partly support this viewpoint and my arguments will be explained in further paragraphs. Initially, do some free social work after school might increase some abilities of school children. For example, this will influence their social status and help them to be accustomed to labour which is an essential thing in life. Additionally, these children who tend to do free social work, for instance, planting, cleaning, and so on they are being solid against the hardship of life. However, we should consider one factor that they should be rightly directed by their teachers or parents and taught. Furthermore, children should not be forced to perform this by their teachers or members of the family because this might show some unacceptable implications during this process. On the other hand, it should be noted that do free social work after school might have drawbacks regarding their education or domestic problems. Above all, doing social work requires time which children need extra time for performing this. This can only be after the school and considering the time which the children spend at school afterwards tending to do free social work consequently, they might feel weary and less productive in their education because of famine of time. Moreover, due to social work the children are being outside rather than their home therefore they share less time with their families which creates some domestic problems. In conclusion, although it is beneficial that children should be required to do free social work after school, I don't hold the view this has to be a priority.
The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and do recommend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be directed
to do this. To me, I partly support this viewpoint and my arguments will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in
further
paragraphs.

Initially
, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
abilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, this will influence their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be
The verb 'be' is used with the gerund form: "accustomed to labouring".
accustomed to labour
which is an essential thing in life.
Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who tend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
for instance
, planting, cleaning, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on they are being solid against the hardship of life.

However
, we should consider one factor that they should be
rightly
directed by their teachers or parents and taught.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be forced
to perform this by their teachers or members of the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unacceptable implications during this process.

On the other hand
, it should
be noted
that do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have drawbacks regarding their education or domestic problems.

Above all
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for performing this. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
afterwards tending to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
consequently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel weary and less productive in their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of famine of time.

Moreover
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being outside
rather
than their home
therefore
they share less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families which creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
domestic problems.

In conclusion
, although it is beneficial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be required
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I don't hold the view this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a priority.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that school children should be required to do free social work after the school.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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