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should be raised the prices of sugary products to encourage people consume less sugar

should be raised the prices of sugary products to encourage people consume less sugar Ky7R6
In today’s world, most of people advocate that unhealthy products which have high percentage of sugar have a negative impact on people’s health. Thus, they believe that if these foods are raised prices, the consumption will reduce considerably. In my opinion, that is not the best solution to this problem and we need to have more superior methods. To begin with, many sugary products now contain carbohydrate that are really causes numerous health problems such as obesity, diabetess… But people still do not notice the importance of their health so they continue to comsume the sugary items because it is cheap. That leads to the increaseing of diseases day by day. Thus, plenty of countries decided to raise the price of sugary products. For instance, in the recent study, researchers conclude that a 20 percent price increase on high-sugar items could lead to a 2 percent decrease in obesity in a year. Besides, making people conscious by advertising in the social media will be another effective way to discourage people to take more sugary products. One example is in Bangladesh, a beverage product Coca Cola has lost its popularity because it is announcing its dangerous effect on health’s people. In progress world, the social media such as Facebook, Youtube, … are used commonly, . sSo giving advertisements on that is really suitable ftor givinge cautions to community. Hence, people can be aware of the disadvantages and the bad effects which the sugary products brings to us. To sum up, everything that has been started so far, increasing the expense of the sugary items is not the only way to reduce the consumption of sugary products. Making people conscious about the bad impact of it will become a recommended methods.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which have high percentage of sugar have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Thus
, they believe that if these foods
are raised
prices, the consumption will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
considerably
. In my opinion,
that is
not the best solution to this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problem and
we need to have more superior methods.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
contain carbohydrate that are
really
causes numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as obesity,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "diabetes", the plural form of the noun 'diabetes'?
diabetess
…
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do not notice the importance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they continue to
Possible spelling mistake found.
comsume
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. That leads to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaseing
of diseases day by day.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of countries decided to raise the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, in the recent study, researchers conclude that a 20 percent price increase on high-sugar items could lead to a 2 percent decrease in obesity in a year.

Besides
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious by advertising in the social media will be another effective way to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. One example is in Bangladesh, a beverage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
Coca Cola has lost its popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is announcing its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In progress world, the social media such as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, … are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
commonly
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sSo
giving advertisements on
that is
really
suitable
Possible spelling mistake found.
ftor
Possible spelling mistake found.
givinge
cautions to community.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be aware of the disadvantages and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You should probably use "bring".
brings
to us.

To sum up, everything that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, increasing the expense of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
items is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact of it will become a recommended
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "method"?
methods
.
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IELTS essay should be raised the prices of sugary products to encourage people consume less sugar

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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