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some people believe that rich countries should poorer countries with other types of help rather than fiancial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that rich countries should poorer countries with other types of help rather than fiancial aid. BJRYV
Developed countries have traditionally provided less developed countries with various types of assistance. Some argue that rich countries should not help poorer countries financially, but in other ways. I partially agree with this view. There are many non-financial ways that economically developed countries can help people in poorer countries live better lives. First of all, rich countries can help to improve infrastructure in less developed countries. Underdeveloped road systems, railway systems, gas supply systems, etc. can seriously hinder a country's progress and cause inconvenience to its people. Assistance in such areas can be of great benefit. For example, Chinese companies have taken on construction projects in Central Asia and Africa, which has contributed to the growth of local economies. In addition, economically developed countries can offer educational assistance. Education is the key to a country's future. However, in third world countries, education systems are often less than ideal. Teachers from rich countries can be sent to countries where there is a shortage of qualified teachers. Last but not least, rich countries can lend a helping hand in the field of medicine and health care. Many diseases that are curable in medically developed countries are not so in poorer countries. The doctor-to-patient ratio can be high, and consequently patients do not receive timely treatment. Nevertheless, in my opinion, financial aid should continue. The importance of money in human society cannot be overestimated. Everyone needs it to make a living. In the same way, every country needs it to function normally and make progress. Poor countries can exercise their own discretion and use the financial aid as they see fit. In conclusion, there are many non-financial ways for rich countries to help less developed countries. But this does not mean that financial aid should stop.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
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countries
have
traditionally
provided
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less
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developed
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countries
with various types of assistance.
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Some
argue that
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rich
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countries
should not
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help
poorer
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countries
financially
,
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but
in other
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ways
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-financial
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ways
that
economically
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developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
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help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in poorer
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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rich
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countries
can
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help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
infrastructure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Underdeveloped road
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systems
, railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
, gas supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
, etc. can
seriously
hinder a country's progress and cause inconvenience to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Assistance in such areas can be of great benefit.
For example
, Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have taken on construction projects in Central Asia and Africa, which has contributed to the growth of local economies.
In addition
,
economically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can offer educational assistance. Education is the key to a country's future.
However
, in third world
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countries
, education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than ideal. Teachers from
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rich
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countries
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
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countries
where there is a shortage of qualified teachers. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
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rich
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countries
can lend a helping hand in the field of medicine and health care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
diseases that are curable in
medically
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developed
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countries
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The doctor-to-patient ratio can be high, and
consequently
patients do not receive timely treatment.

Nevertheless
, in my opinion, financial aid should continue. The importance of money in human society cannot
be overestimated
. Everyone needs it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. In the same
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way
, every
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country
needs it to function
normally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress. Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can exercise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
discretion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the financial aid as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
fit.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this does not mean that financial aid should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that rich countries should poorer countries with other types of help rather than fiancial aid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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