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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. M2Xa
Modern life, children are easily impacted when they interact with information surrounding different resources such as video games, TV shows, music, and books. There are some people say that reading books is better for children than watching movies or playing games on computers. Personally, I disagree with this argument and I believe in the belief of digital products. First of all, reading books is a really helpful routine for adults when they require to relax or even work and research but not suitable for children. The first reason, the children seem to not excited with books or letters inside them. Although it includes plenty of good content, spending time for reading requires patience a lot and children do not have patient enough to do. The evidence to prove, there are just a few students reading books voluntarily in the previous night to prepare for the new lessons in the morning after, they usually play games or watching TV series before bedtime instead. Somehow, cartoons and games catch their attention naturally. In this way, videos are applied for education in many countries, lessons are more interesting, livelier and intelligible if they are illustrated by images and sounds actually. On the other hand, despite positive beliefs, playing games and watching TV too much are two of the main reasons for eye diseases such as myopia and astigmatism. In this case, reading books chosen as the alternative method, children still comprehend all the same crucial information with videos on computers. In spite of more difficult, it is necessary for protecting children from eye-diseases. Nevertheless, books are designed better, people use a lot of images and colors to make books becoming more attractive. For example, all fairy tale books that decorated mysteriously and colorfully rouse the curiousness of children. In my perspective, I think it is an intelligent method of manufacturers, this way helps a lot of parents easily restrict excessive interaction of children with computers or televisions. In conclusion, videos and computer games are really useful not only for entertaining, connecting, or business but also for researching and education. They replace gradually traditionally educated methods like reading books but incompletely.
Modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
impacted when they interact with information surrounding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, music, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than watching movies or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers.
Personally
, I disagree with this argument and I believe in the belief of digital products.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is a
really
helpful routine for adults when they require
Did you mean "relaxing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to relax
or even work and research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
first
reason, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seem to not excited with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or letters inside them. Although it includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
content, spending time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
requires patience a lot and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to do. The evidence to prove, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
voluntarily
in the previous night to prepare for the new lessons in the morning after, they
usually
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching TV series
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
bedtime
instead
. Somehow, cartoons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
catch their attention
naturally
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
are applied
for education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, lessons are more interesting, livelier and intelligible if they
are illustrated
by images and sounds actually.

On the other hand
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
beliefs, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching TV too much are two of the main reasons for eye diseases such as myopia and astigmatism.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
chosen as the alternative method,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
still
comprehend all the same crucial information with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
on computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
more difficult, it is necessary for protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from eye-diseases.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are designed
better,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
images and colors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
becoming more attractive.
For example
, all fairy tale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that decorated
mysteriously
and
colorfully
rouse the curiousness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is an intelligent method of manufacturers, this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
parents
easily
restrict excessive interaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with computers or televisions.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
really
useful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertaining, connecting, or business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for researching and education. They replace
gradually
traditionally
educated methods like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
incompletely
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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