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Some people believe that people have the right to university education, and government should make it free no matter of what their financial background. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that people have the right to university education, and government should make it free no matter of what their financial background. GMMPL
It is true that some opine government ought to give the equal opportunity for every individual to be educated in universities free of charge regardless of their material status. Although it can seem fair to give such an opportunity to everyone, however I firmly believe it is impractical for a government to implement such a policy as it might have deleterious consequences, such as destruction of working balance in societies and negative effect on governments` finance. On the one hand, should government give this chance for everyone, it will result in the destruction of social categories balance. That is, everybody who gets graduated from a posh university will definitely start to desire jobs of high positions in working companies. Furthermore, needless to say it will lead to the loss of blue-collar positions such as electricians and mechanics. Take Cambridge University graduates as an example who are mostly, 75% of them to be precise, hired by successful companies and organizations depending on the department they have studied, and the rest of them establish their own businesses. On the other hand, the finance of the government will hugely be affected by paying the tuition fees for population. In addition, tuition fees for an individual cost around 15. 000 dollars per semester in an average university in the UK. If government finances the whole nation, the financial store of a government is surely to be weakened, which might consequently lead to the increase in taxes. As a result, people will blame the government for raised taxes and for the destroyed balance in their society. In conclusion, while some people want to oblige the government to sponsor every citizen`s education in a country regardless of their financial background, I reckon that government must avoid implying such a policy as it will end up in the demolition of the balance in communities as well as the government`s material store will tremendously be damaged.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to give the equal opportunity for every individual to
be educated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
free of charge regardless of their material status. Although it can seem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to give such an opportunity to everyone,
however
I
firmly
believe it is impractical for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to implement such a policy as it might have deleterious consequences, such as destruction of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in societies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments`
finance.

On the one hand, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
give this chance for everyone, it will result in the destruction of social categories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
.
That is
, everybody who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
graduated from a posh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to desire jobs of high positions in working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Furthermore
, needless to say it will lead to the loss of blue-collar positions such as electricians and mechanics. Take Cambridge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
graduates as an example who are
mostly
, 75% of them to be precise, hired by successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations depending on the department they have studied, and the rest of them establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses.

On the other hand
, the finance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
hugely
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by paying the tuition fees for population.
In addition
, tuition fees for an individual cost around 15. 000 dollars per semester in an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the UK. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
finances the whole nation, the financial store of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
surely
to
be weakened
, which might
consequently
lead to the increase in taxes.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for raised taxes and for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in their society.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to oblige the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to sponsor every
The character between 'citizen' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "citizen’s" (curly apostrophe) or "citizen's" (straight apostrophe).
citizen`s
education in a country regardless of their financial background, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid implying such a policy as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the demolition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in communities
as well
as the
The character between 'government' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "government’s" (curly apostrophe) or "government's" (straight apostrophe).
government`s
material store will
tremendously
be damaged
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that people have the right to university education, and government should make it free no matter of what their financial background.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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