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Some people believe that parents should make children read more books instead of watching TV or playing games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that parents should make children read more books instead of watching TV or playing games. R0KDG
On the other hand, we should never underestimate the indispensable role of TV and video games in the time of the digitalization. Playing games and watching TV could heighten the capacity for fantasy and benefit the interaction between children and the outward environment. Images and sinh dong sounds from those media bring them joy and fun, evoke the curiosity, the desire to discover new things of the children and hence enhance the visualization as well as the observation ablility. Moreover, when the children play games that requires the coopertation between members in a team, they have to communicate. . . . . with others in order to win the game. This thereby facilitate them to know each others well, make more friends and enlarge the relationship zone.
On the other hand
, we should never underestimate the indispensable role of TV and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the time of the digitalization. Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching TV could heighten the capacity for fantasy and benefit the interaction between children and the outward environment. Images and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sinh
dong sounds from those media bring them joy and fun, evoke the curiosity, the desire to discover new things of the children and
hence
enhance the visualization
as well
as the observation
Possible spelling mistake found.
ablility
.
Moreover
, when the children play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that requires the
Possible spelling mistake found.
coopertation
between members in a team, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
others in order to win the game. This thereby facilitate them to know each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
well,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends and enlarge the relationship zone.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should make children read more books instead of watching TV or playing games.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
127 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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