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Some people believe that parents should decide for their children which school to attend or which subjects to take. What is your opinion of this?

Some people believe that parents should decide for their children which school to attend or which subjects to take. What is your opinion of this? JqM60
It is believed that educational matters such as schools or subjects for children should depend on their parents. In my opinion, I partly agree with this viewpoint and there are a number of reasons in this essay. On the one hand, it is crucial for parents to interfere with vital issues related to their children as education. First, parents are more mature and they have more experience as well as relationship. For example, they know which schools are prestigious and which subjects that may help their children to develop in the future. Otherwise, they can ask for advice. Moreover, all parents must take responsibility of raising their children. Children are too young to handle such important things. Above all, parents are people who always take care of children and they want to do the best for them. Therefore, their decisions are usually considered to affect positively on their children. On the other hand, not in everyone circumstances, parent’s options are good for children. Teenagers have their own interests and talents and they understand themselves more than anyone else. In fact, there are several arguments among members in the family about education. Sometimes, parents force their children to study the fields that they like. Nevertheless, their children express their disapproval as they think they are at liberty to do what they want. Moreover, if children can learn their favorite subjects, they can develop their potential and feel more passionate to go to school. As a result, their study will improve significantly. In conclusion, I believe that both parents and children need to make a decision about necessary things. Parents should not put pressure on their children and teenagers need to listen to their parent’s valuable advice.
It
is believed
that educational matters such as schools or subjects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In my opinion, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and there are a number of reasons in this essay.

On the one hand, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to interfere with vital issues related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as education.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mature and
they have more experience
as well
as relationship.
For example
, they know which schools are prestigious and which subjects that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop in the future.
Otherwise
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
advice.
Moreover
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility of raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are too young to handle such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
Above all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who always take care of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they want to do the best for them.
Therefore
, their decisions are
usually
considered to affect
positively
on their children.

On the other hand
, not in everyone circumstances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
options are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
talents and
they understand themselves more than anyone else. In fact, there are several arguments among members in the family about education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study the fields that they like.
Nevertheless
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
express their disapproval as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are at liberty to do what they want.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn their favorite subjects, they can develop their potential and feel more passionate to go to school.
As a result
, their study will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
.

In conclusion
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision about necessary things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should not put pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
need to listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
valuable advice.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should decide for their children which school to attend or which subjects to take. What is your opinion of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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