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Smartphones have had a greater influence on people’s life compared to television. (Do you agree or disagree?)

Smartphones have had a greater influence on people’s life compared to television. ( ) Q5EL1
Technology has affected human life. Some people think that smartphones have considerably changed people's life. However, there are others who think that television has played a more important role. In my opinion, smartphones have had more effects for two reasons. To begin with/first of all/first, smartphones are usually used more than television, because people can have two-way connection in smartphones. Since individuals are social, they prefer to be connected with each other by smartphones instead of using TV. Therefore, people can show their emotions whenever they need. People can get feedback without any limitation. For example, it is possible for a person to contact him or her friend in the jungle using their smartphone. However, television does not have such advantages. If a person is in mountain and he or she wants to connect with someone, they cannot use TV, because it is not accessible there. Therefore, smartphones are more influential than television. Secondly, people can have many choices when they use smartphones. There are some different applications that can make individuals able to have comfortable life, since they can do their tasks. For example, a student can search on Google about a special article and he or she finds it easily. In addition, he or she can enhance their knowledge by watching videos on YouTube. On the other hand, television has only a limited number of programs, most of which are entertaining and not educational. Imagine a student who wants to watch an educational program; he or she usually wastes their time until the program start. This is because television authorities determine when programs should be broadcast. As a result, smartphones are more likely to influence humans' life. In conclusion, with this taken into account/considered, I believe that smartphones have caused changes in individuals' lifestyle.
Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
human life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that smartphones have
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
However
, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has played a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. In my opinion, smartphones have had more effects for two reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with/
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
/
first
, smartphones are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have two-way connection in smartphones. Since individuals are social, they prefer to
be connected
with each other by smartphones
instead
of using TV.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their emotions whenever they need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feedback without any limitation.
For example
, it is possible for a person to contact him or her friend in the jungle using their smartphone.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
does not have such advantages. If a person is in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mountain and
he or she wants to connect with someone, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not accessible there.
Therefore
, smartphones are more influential than television.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
applications that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals able to have comfortable life, since they can do their tasks.
For example
, a student can search on Google about a special
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
article and
he or she finds it
easily
.
In addition
, he or she can enhance their knowledge by watching videos on YouTube.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, most of which are entertaining and not educational. Imagine a student who wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
; he or she
usually
wastes their time until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
authorities determine when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should be broadcast.
As a result
, smartphones are more likely to influence humans' life.

In conclusion
, with this taken into account/considered, I believe that smartphones have caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in individuals' lifestyle.

IELTS essay Smartphones have had a greater influence on people’s life compared to television. ( )

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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