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Some people believe that only people who have a lot of money are successful. Other believe that success does not always equate to having lots of money. Which statement do you agree with and why? Give specific detail and examples

Some people believe that only people who have a lot of money are successful. Other believe that success does not always equate to having lots of money. Which statement do you agree with and why? Give specific detail and examples aEqjo
Money plays a vital role in life. A large number of people thinks an individual having good monatory value are successful. Although, numerous people have opinion that there are many other factors to know the success of person. Firstly, different people have their own meaning of success. For example: An army taste success when they protect their country, a students are successful when they get good score, and many more. Also, there are many professions which does not give much salary to individual. For illustration: Currently in news we have seen in Tamil Nadu there are many sport men and women who are vendors. Secondly, talent and a contribution to the society is also important. For example: A girl name Bhargsetu she has saved a human life and also rescued more then 3800 animals. In fact, she is also nominated for Padma Shri Award. Today, she is famous for her work. Additionally, not all wealthy people gain their money through legal way they have earned by illegal ways. Also, the knowledge experience of person's helps them to get successful. On other hand, public thinks money means success because in this modern era everyone has became materialistic. They judge by the expensive car, house and jewellery. In conclusion, I stand with citizens who thinks other factors like respect, contribution to society, knowledge and many more are important then money to be successful person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays a vital role in life.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
an individual having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
monatory
value are successful.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opinion that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of person.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
For example
: An army taste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
when they protect their country,
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a student" or simply "students"?
a students
are successful when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions which does not give much salary to individual. For illustration:
Currently
in news we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Tamil Nadu there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who are vendors.
Secondly
, talent and a contribution to the society is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
For example
: A girl name
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhargsetu
she has saved a human life and
also
rescued more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
3800 animals. In fact, she is
also
nominated for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Padma
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shri
Award.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, she is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for her work.

Additionally
, not all wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through legal way they have earned by illegal ways.
Also
, the knowledge experience of person's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
successful.

On other hand, public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this modern era everyone has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
materialistic. They judge by the expensive car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
.

In conclusion
, I stand with citizens who
Did you mean "think"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'citizens' should be used.
thinks
other factors like respect, contribution to society, knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to be successful person.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that only people who have a lot of money are successful. Other believe that success does not always equate to having lots of money. Which statement do you agree with and why? Give specific detail and examples

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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