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Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. Do you agree with this statement? v.1

Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. v. 1
Nowadays, crime has become a highly delicate issue of the society to handle. Although it is believed by some that criminals will always be into crimes once they commit it. I totally disagree, with the above fact and this essay shall support my notion. To begin with, According to the law people who commit crimes are punished, it creates fear among them. Which will make them think twice before attempting it again. For instance, The recent survey of the police department in China shows, 70 percent of the offenders do not re-offend any illegal activities in order to avoid punishments. If criminals continue to break the law, then they may face life term imprisonment. Therefore, due to this reason many deter crimes in future. Another significant reason is, many of them not only face shame in the society, but also feels discriminated by people, so to ameliorate their status in the community they stay away from any wrongdoings. Because of their previous acts, they become more vigilant and impeccable in their living. Thus, this is indispensable for them to gain back their respect in the society, even if they committed some crime before. In conclusion, despite the thinking of people that once a law offender is always a law offender, I strongly disagree. As many do not commit crimes again, and try to be faithful towards their law.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has become a
highly
delicate issue of the society to handle. Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that criminals will always be into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
once they commit it. I
totally
disagree, with the above fact and this essay shall support my notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are punished
, it creates fear among them. Which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attempting it again.
For instance
, The recent survey of the police department in China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, 70 percent of the offenders do not re-offend any illegal activities in order to avoid punishments. If criminals continue to break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
, then they may face life term imprisonment.
Therefore
, due to this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

Another significant reason is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
face shame in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
feels discriminated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to ameliorate their status in the community they stay away from any wrongdoings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their previous acts, they become more vigilant and impeccable in their living.
Thus
, this is indispensable for them to gain back their respect in the society, even if they committed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, despite the thinking of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offender is always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offender, I
strongly
disagree. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
do not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again, and try to be faithful towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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