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Some people believe that Olympic games have lost their significance due to technological advancements. To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

Some people believe that Olympic games have lost their significance due to technological advancements. yGwAD
In today’s world, technology plays an important role in our day-to-day life. Technology is one step ahead of us when it comes to accuracy and I disagree to the point that the technological evolution has reduced the place for Olympic games. The young generation does not know the value of Olympic games when compared to the old people. This generation spends most of their time in playing video/ online games without knowing the worthiness of the famous Olympic games. In fact, technology bought morals to the Olympic games. Since the Olympic games can be watched online it has promoted different variety of games apart from the existing ones. The results are recorded and can be replayed, so there is no question of inaccuracy in the final decision. This has made the job easy for referees. For instance, there are problem makers in every game who always create issues about the outcomes. Now there is no need of any arguments. In earlier days, people travel long distances to watch the Olympic games. But in today’s situation, since we have livestreaming facilities, we can watch it from our home itself. The middle-class people who cannot afford the travelling and ticket fares can now watch the games with ease thereby saving money. The inventions of surveillance cameras protect the participants and the large crowd in the stadiums. We have come across many incidents like explosions and fire accidents in the earlier days. These accidents have decreased drastically in the recent years with the help of technology advancements. In conclusion, technology has bought more advantages not only to the Olympics games but also plays a vital role in all the fields. As a responsible citizen, it is our duty as well to educate the younger generation about the importance of Olympic games and encourage them to watch these sports. It will help them gain knowledge in sports and help them to stay updated about the current affairs.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our day-to-day life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is one step ahead of us when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to accuracy and I disagree to the point that the technological evolution has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the place for
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
.

The young generation does not know the value of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
when compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This generation spends most of their time in playing video/ online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without knowing the worthiness of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
.

In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
morals to the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
online it has promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apart from the existing ones. The results
are recorded
and can
be replayed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no question of inaccuracy in the final decision. This has made the job easy for referees.
For instance
, there are problem makers in every game who always create issues about the outcomes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
there is no need of any arguments.

In earlier days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel long distances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s situation, since we have livestreaming facilities, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it from our home itself. The middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot afford the travelling and ticket fares can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
thereby saving money.

The inventions of surveillance cameras protect the participants and the large crowd in the stadiums. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents like explosions and fire accidents in the earlier days. These accidents have decreased
drastically
in the recent years with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advancements.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
more advantages not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the Olympics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
plays a vital role in all the fields. As a responsible citizen, it is our duty
as well
to educate the younger generation about the importance of Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
these sports. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain knowledge in sports and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay updated about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that Olympic games have lost their significance due to technological advancements.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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