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Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others believe that it's best to focus on computer and science. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others believe that it's best to focus on computer and science. 2XW6
A number of individuals argue that music should be part of study, but others believe that it is essential school should concentrate on computer and science subjects. I partially agree to above mentioned statement. This essay will substantiate my perspective in the following paragraphs with appropriate examples. To commence with, in this modern time, music has become trend in people's life. Firstly, children and youngster both are fascinating about music even they inspire by their favorite celebrities who are contributing in music industry. For example, a number of popular national and international singers like Arjit Singh, Negative Kakkar, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and so on who build their career in music line and now they have become famous celebrities after achieved name and fame in music field. Secondly, if music lessons teach while schooling then it will beneficial for those students who have singing talents and can flourish their singing skills as well as the can build their career in music field in future. They can catch plethora of opportunities in music industry such as play back singing, compose and direct the music in movies although they can make their own music videos. In this way, music subject can create shining career options. On other hand, who people give more importance to science and computer subjects while school-time because they consider these studies can give better job opportunities and well paid. Those who get education in science they have scope to become doctors and scientists. For example, Kalpana Chawla who was first and famous female astronaut to go to space. She obtained Master of Science degree in Aerospace Engineering. Furthermore, computer study can also boost the career in IT industries, and can hire as software engineering or administration in big companies with good salary package. Everyone around the globe talking about intellectual robots, self-driving cars and colonization of Mars. This goal cannot be achieved unless there are enough skilled researchers and engineers. So, taught science and computer subjects during school are also play vital role. To summarize, my opine is that studies in the field of science, computer and music can provide equally better opportunities. However, this depends upon individuals in which subject they have more interest.
A number of individuals argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believe that it is essential school should concentrate on computer and
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science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to above mentioned statement. This essay will substantiate my perspective in the following paragraphs with appropriate examples. To commence with, in this modern time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
Firstly
, children and youngster both are fascinating about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even they inspire by their favorite celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are contributing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry.
For example
, a number of popular national and international singers like
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Arjit
Singh,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kakkar
, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
line and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they have become
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
after achieved name and fame in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
field.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lessons teach while schooling then it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will beneficial
for those students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have singing talents and can flourish their singing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as the can build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
field
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. They can catch plethora of opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry such as play back singing, compose and direct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in movies although they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
videos. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can create shining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options.

On other hand,
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give more importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while school-time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can give better job opportunities and well paid. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
they have scope to become doctors and scientists.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpana
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawla
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
first
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
female astronaut to go to space. She obtained Master of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
degree in Aerospace Engineering.
Furthermore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can
also
boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in IT industries, and can hire as software engineering or administration in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary package. Everyone around the globe talking about intellectual robots, self-driving cars and colonization of Mars. This goal cannot
be achieved
unless there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
skilled researchers and engineers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
during school are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "played".
play
vital role.

To summarize
, my opine is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can provide
equally
better opportunities.
However
, this depends upon individuals in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
they have more interest.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others believe that it's best to focus on computer and science.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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