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Many people believe that the Olympic Games can bring unity to all democracy. Others think that this development is not important and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international sports business is cost enormous money to organize the event. However, I believe that there are several benefits to this Olympic affair. According to the point of view, the international sports play such as Olympic Games, It is the big ceremony that happens once every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold this situation. For example, there are Olympic Games in South Africa in 2010 and the governments have to rebuild many sports stadiums around the provincial to hold the number of tourist around the world that attended the Olympic Games. For some, country this case is kind of the reputation of the homey. This is the reason why many countries spend over a million dollars to organize this event while they could spend this amount of money to improve society. On the other hand,

Many people believe that the Olympic Games can bring unity to all democracy. Others think that this development is not important and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international sports business is cost enormous money to organize the event. However, I believe that there are several benefits to this Olympic affair. According to the point of view, the international sports play such as Olympic Games, It is the big ceremony that happens once every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold this situation. For example, there are Olympic Games in South Africa in 2010 and the governments have to rebuild many sports stadiums around the provincial to hold the number of tourist around the world that attended the Olympic Games. For some, country this case is kind of the reputation of the homey. This is the reason why many countries spend over a million dollars to organize this event while they could spend this amount of money to improve society. On the other hand, NoJN
Many people believe that the Olympic Games can bring unity to all democracy. Others think that this development is not important and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international sports business is cost enormous money to organize the event. However, I believe that there are several benefits to this Olympic affair. According to the point of view, the international sports play such as Olympic Games, It is the big ceremony that happens once every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold this situation. For example, there are Olympic Games in South Africa in 2010 and the governments have to rebuild many sports stadiums around the provincial to hold the number of tourist around the world that attended the Olympic Games. For some, country this case is kind of the reputation of the homey. This is the reason why many countries spend over a million dollars to organize this event while they could spend this amount of money to improve society. On the other hand, there are various benefits that happen in Olympic Games. For instance, it can bring unity in each nation to cheers their homeland competitors. This can bring joyful moments to that country when they are in the winner positions. Moreover, this affair encourages people from different nations to be more generous to each other as the sports roles are. Olympic sport can impact the tourism trends in the country as well; thereby, the economy will increase from the tourist around the world that visits the host country. In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks of the Olympic Games. In my opinion, I believed that this thing should happen continuously. Therefore, joyful and unity can drive the happiness of people in every nation around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
can bring unity to all democracy. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this development is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
business
is cost
enormous money to organize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
However
, I believe that there are several benefits to this Olympic affair.

According to the point of view, the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play such as Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
, It is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ceremony that happens once every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold this situation.
For example
, there are Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
in South Africa in 2010 and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rebuild
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadiums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the provincial to hold the number of tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world that attended the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
this case is kind of the reputation of the homey. This is the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spend over a million dollars to organize this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
while they could spend this amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
society.

On the other hand
, there are various benefits that happen in Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
.
For instance
, it can bring unity in each nation to cheers their homeland competitors. This can bring joyful moments to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
when they are in the winner positions.
Moreover
, this affair encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations to be more generous to each other as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
roles are. Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can impact the tourism trends in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
; thereby, the economy will increase from the tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world that visits the host country.

In conclusion
, there are benefits and drawbacks of the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
. In my opinion, I believed that this thing should happen
continuously
.
Therefore
, joyful and unity can drive the happiness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in every nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that the Olympic Games can bring unity to all democracy. Others think that this development is not important and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international sports business is cost enormous money to organize the event. However, I believe that there are several benefits to this Olympic affair. According to the point of view, the international sports play such as Olympic Games, It is the big ceremony that happens once every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold this situation. For example, there are Olympic Games in South Africa in 2010 and the governments have to rebuild many sports stadiums around the provincial to hold the number of tourist around the world that attended the Olympic Games. For some, country this case is kind of the reputation of the homey. This is the reason why many countries spend over a million dollars to organize this event while they could spend this amount of money to improve society. On the other hand,

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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