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Some people believe that money is the root of all evil. Do you agree or disagree with that?

Nowadays, money is one of the most important aspects of every person’s life. People use it for their everyday tasks, including going to work, shopping or providing the necessities to their family. Despite the fact that it has been argued that money can be the root of all evil, I partly disagree with this statement for the reasons that will be analysed below. To begin with, one reason why someone could claim that money is evil is by looking at the way people behave in order to multiply their earnings. To explain further, there are groups of people, including drug dealers, robbers and many others who could do anything in their attempt to increase their bank account balances. In this way, they consequently damage the society and anyone who might be affected from their illegal or immoral actions. Secondly, for the survival of the fittest, the majority of people would do anything to climb the ladder and get a pay rise. For instance, they might behave unethically towards their co-workers and even slander them so as to increase their chances of taking the job or promotion. Hence, these employees might get the promotion even though it was not because of their worth but from tearing down their fellow companions. As a result, there is an increase of unhealthy competition in the workplace and obviously, the relationships of the employees are not the best. On the other hand, using money correctly can benefit and help the whole society. Moreover, wealthy elite and business leaders by contributing financially to society can aid people in need and even donate to different organisations and charities through their financial contributions to the society / by contributing …. In fact, there are a lot of individuals out there, as well asMany of them even established foundations, such as for instance the Bbill and Melinda Gates foundation, funded by Bill Gates and Melinda, who particularly emphasize stressing and helping different global health problems, global development and many more. Consequently, this it leads to a decrease in of the wealth gap among social classes and the the social inequality seen in the society among people. Finally, money is necessary for the well-being and prosperity of people. Specifically, money is the medium of exchange, which ere it is used to intermediate the exchange of goods and services. Additionally, money serves as the unit of account, where it measures the market value of the different goods and services. Lastly, money is a store of value, thus people can save their money. For the reasons above, people are using money for their daily tasks and needs, something that was not true in the olden days prior to its discovery before the discovery of money they couldn’t so easily. That is to say, bBefore the invention of money in our societies, people used the it was functioned the barter system for their transactions, according to which where people had to exchange good and services for other goods and services. However, with the use of this system, it was extremely, it was very difficult or even impossible for people sometimes to change or store their wealth. To sum up, I would therefore argue that if money is used correctly and does not become the priority of everyone, it then money would not be the root of all evil but just a necessity, the medium of exchange which where people use are using it for their daily tasks and to buy a product good or a service.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of every person’s life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for their everyday tasks, including going to work, shopping or providing the necessities to their family. Despite the fact that it has
been argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be the root of all evil, I partly disagree with this statement for the reasons that will be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analysed’ is British English.
analysed
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one reason why someone could claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is evil is by looking at

the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave in order to multiply their earnings. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
, there are

groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including drug dealers, robbers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others who could do

anything in their attempt to increase their bank account balances. In this way, they

consequently
damage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and anyone who might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from their illegal or immoral actions.

Secondly
, for the survival of the fittest, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would do anything to

climb the ladder and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a pay rise.
For instance
, they might behave
unethically
towards their co-workers and even slander them
‘So as to’ expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using “to”
so as to
increase their chances of taking the job or promotion.
Hence
, these employees might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the promotion
even though
it was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their worth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from tearing down their fellow companions.
As a result
, there is an increase of unhealthy competition in the workplace and
obviously
, the relationships of the employees are not the best.

On the other hand
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
correctly
can benefit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the whole society.

Moreover
, wealthy elite and business leaders by contributing
financially
to
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society
can

aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need and even donate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
and charities through their financial contributions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
/ by contributing …. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of


individuals out there,
as well
Possible spelling mistake found.
asMany
of them even established foundations, such as
for instance
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bbill
and Melinda Gates foundation, funded by Bill Gates and Melinda, who
particularly
emphasize stressing and helping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
global health problems, global development and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Consequently
, this it leads to a decrease in of the wealth gap among social classes and
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only “the” or “the” is left.
the the
social inequality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for the well-being and prosperity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Specifically
,

money is the medium of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
, which ere it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to intermediate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
serves as the unit of account, where it

measures the market value of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a store of value,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. For the reasons above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their daily tasks and needs, something that was not true in the olden days prior to its discovery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the discovery of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they couldn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
.
That is
to say,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bBefore
the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Please verify. Did you mean “it” or “the IT” (= information technology)?
the it
was functioned
the barter system for their transactions, according to which where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this system, it was
extremely
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult or even impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or store their wealth.

To sum up, I would
therefore
argue that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
and does not become the priority of everyone, it then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would not be the root of all evil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a necessity, the medium of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
which where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are using it for their daily tasks and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the root of all evil. with that?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
583 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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