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Some People Believe That Money Is The Most Important Factor For Achieving Happiness. To what extent do you agree ?

Some People Believe That Money Is The Most Important Factor For Achieving Happiness. pRKo2
Money is something which is not directly related to happiness there are some point which contradicts money is linked with happiness and you can buy lot of things with money but happiness is something cannot be bought. One can feel happiness in different way without money while having quality time with family, watching movie and reading interesting book give happiness. Therefore, In my opinion money is not directly related to happiness. Person who having money has enough power to buy all things he/she wants for their happiness whereas poor people might not have sufficient money to survive but still their happiness does not always lies in having more money but they manage within what they have their happiness nowhere connected to buying happiness with money. The more richer person are financially happy but most of rich people does not have family happiness due to hard earning money they remain busy earning more money. On contrarily people with less money has no burden of other than having good family spending time like eating meals together and spending time with their children and they are with happy with that. Moreover, people are kind of health related problem they suffer from many issues like anxiety, depression due to their busy life with harden money as they have no one special friend and are lonely to share their thoughts. Most of them are so busy working hardly get time to talk with family and friends. On contrarily person who are in touch with friends and family are easily able to manage in their bad time. It is important for us to interact with everyone especially with someone whom we love which gives us happiness and we feel that are being blessed and there is someone who cares for us. Money is not a thing which brings all happiness it Is important but there are life’s some aspects money does not bring happiness. Money is what we need to fulfil our basic need like shelter, food, clothing etc. but it not very much important which gives happiness for all aspect of life there are other thing than money like friend, parents are important in a person life to give internal happiness and they cannot be bought with money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is something which is not
directly
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point which contradicts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is linked
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
things with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is something cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. One can feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, watching movie and reading interesting book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Therefore
, In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
directly
related to happiness.

Person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all things he/she wants for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
whereas poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
does not always
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "lie"
lies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they manage within what they have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
nowhere connected to buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The
Use only "richer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more richer
person are
financially
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
does not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they remain busy earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. On
contrarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has no burden of other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
like eating meals together and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are with happy with that.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are kind of health related problem they suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues like anxiety, depression due to their busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with harden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they have no one special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and are lonely to share their thoughts. Most of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy working hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. On
contrarily
person who are in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
easily
able to manage in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for us to interact with everyone
especially
with someone whom we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
us
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
we feel that are
being blessed
and there is someone who cares for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not a thing which brings all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
it Is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "aspects'" or "aspect's"?
aspects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not bring happiness.

Money is what we need to fulfil our basic need like shelter, food, clothing etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for all aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
there are other
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "things"?
thing
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
internal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
they cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some People Believe That Money Is The Most Important Factor For Achieving Happiness.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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