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Some people believe that money is important to bring happiness in life,while others believe that having spare time is More important to bring happiness

Some people believe that money is important to bring happiness in life, while others believe that having spare time is More important to bring happiness YLwgm
Money plays an important role in everyone's life. people cannot survive with money. nowdays people want to earn more and more money to fulfill their dreams. In subsequent paragraphs, shall delve deeper into my personal perspective. The first and foremost, these days money plays vital role in human life. however there are many advantages of money. Firstly, everyone is eager to earn more and more money to fulfill their requirements. In these days youngster's pursue lots of work and do over time work because they want to upgrade their life style. If people want to afford a luxury life style they have do work hard to achieve there goals. Today's trend people follow a successful person and they also want to be the same. For example, due to covid-19 people are frustrated in their life. they depend on others to fulfill their basic needs because they have no money by groceries and meditations. After looking their grevences people are encouraged to save money for their future. At the logger head, some people argue that money is not important because they believe that having leisure time more important to bring more happiness. Some people do the only fulfill their basic needs. They do not want to earn more money because they think that spending leisure time with their families is more predominant. On the other sid, youngster's spend time to pursue their hobbies such playing and watching. Morever, today's trend people go outside with their family for entertainment like travel and picnic. In conclusion, money is important in everyone's life. It plays centrel role too see upper paragraphs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
cannot survive with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nowdays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to earn more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfill their dreams. In subsequent paragraphs, shall delve deeper into my personal perspective.

The
first
and foremost, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays vital role in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
, everyone is eager to earn more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfill their requirements. In these
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
Consider using the plural form here: "youngsters".
youngster's
pursue lots of work and do over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to upgrade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to afford a luxury
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life
style they have
Use past participle here: "done".
do
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
Did you mean "their"?
there
goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow a successful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be the same.
For example
, due to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are frustrated
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
depend on others to fulfill their basic needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by groceries and meditations. After looking their
Possible spelling mistake found.
grevences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future.

At the logger head,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that having leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to bring more happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfill their basic needs. They do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families is more predominant. On the other
Possible spelling mistake found.
sid
,
Consider using the plural form here: "youngsters".
youngster's
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to pursue their hobbies such playing and watching.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go outside with their family for entertainment like travel and picnic.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It plays
Possible spelling mistake found.
centrel
role too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
upper paragraphs.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money is important to bring happiness in life, while others believe that having spare time is More important to bring happiness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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