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Nowadays a growing amount of advertising aims at children. Some people think this have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays a growing amount of advertising aims at children. Some people think this have negative effects on children and should be banned. Kwya0
People argue that advertisement brings negative effect for society. However, people believe that announcement acquires positive effect, especially behaviour. I believe that the publication has disadvantages outweigh advantages for children. Publicity is one of ways to communicate their products or services to children. Where literature makes things that to get attention for children. Announcement offers food, snack, drink, toy which children will easily make their influence. Children become consumptive and follower what they see on television. Moreover, when children see something interesting, they only thing to go and try it. For instance, based on my experience, my nephew wants to buy a new toy because he saw the broadcast on YouTube. He requested to his parents to buy the new toy and we went to the Mall. However, parents should be more careful about the announcement to their children. They must be knowing the situation, what their children want to get. In addition, advertising also give moral message. For example, among pandemic Covid-19 right now, many advertisements teach us more healthy. This is one of example for children always keep their immune body. Therefore, children must wash their hands, use mask whenever they go. Even, they are still staying at home. Parents should guide them. When they are at home, parents can make their creativity and not boring. On the other hand, advertisements are very difficult to be prohibited. For TV stations or web sites, broadcast more advertisements on their programs means earn more money. In conclusion, the exhibit has advantages outweigh than advantages for children. In this condition, parents should control and manage their children to choose the best product of advertising. Also, government should support by managing the time of poster for promoting their product.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect for society.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that announcement acquires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect,
especially
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I believe that the publication has disadvantages outweigh advantages for children.

Publicity is one of ways to communicate their products or services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Where literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
things that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Announcement offers food, snack, drink, toy which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their influence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
become consumptive and follower what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on television.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
something interesting, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
to go and try it.
For instance
, based on my experience, my nephew wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new toy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the broadcast on YouTube. He requested to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toy and
we went to the Mall.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be more careful about the announcement to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be knowing
the situation, what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

In addition
, advertising
also
give moral message.
For example
, among pandemic Covid-19 right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
teach us more healthy. This is one of example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their immune body.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
wash their hands,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mask whenever they go. Even, they are
still
staying at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should guide them. When they are at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their creativity and not boring.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
be prohibited
. For TV stations or
Did you mean "websites"?
web sites
, broadcast more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on their programs means earn more money.

In conclusion
, the exhibit has advantages outweigh than advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should control and manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose the best product of advertising.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support by managing the time of poster for promoting their product.
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IELTS essay Nowadays a growing amount of advertising aims at children. Some people think this have negative effects on children and should be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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