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Some people believe that media should be allowed to publish information about the private lives of famous people. Others say that everybody has a right to privacy and this practice must be controlled or even stopped. Discuss both views.

Following the rapid development of the entertainment industry and public figures’ popularity, information about what celebrities eat, wear or like is sought with great attention. Accordingly, a heated debate is provoked about whether the private lives of famous people should be exposed to the public or we should pay respect to their privacy. In this essay, we shall conflict, both views given. On one hand, there is a symbiotic relationship between well-known people, which one side depends on the existence of the others. For instance, artistic workers need exposure to the audiences to remain their public recognition and broaden their career paths. Moreover, through communications, different aspects of stars are revealed, therefore, the community can comprehend the truth behind their words. For example, we get to know a political leader’s social activity better through media, consequently, we can decide whether he is suitable to lead the nation or not. On the other hand, publishing personal information of singers, actors or politicians may lead to detrimental outcomes. The safety of these people is likely to be put in jeopardy due to the pursuit of shocking headlines. As an illustration, Diana, Princess of Wales, died in a tragic car accident for trying to lose the paparazzi chasing after. Furthermore, the desire for hot news about big names has brought not only insecurity and discomfort for that group of people, but also pose a threat to the lives of innocent people. In fact, when a scandal broke, involved artists’ families and friends shall endure the crowd’s criticism as well as themselves. Although this trend offers us a great deal of entertaining, disastrous effects are led. The overwhelming exploit of creators’ private lives result in privacy invasion and unexpected depressing consequences. In conclusion, this practice should be controlled.
Following the rapid development of the entertainment industry and public figures’ popularity, information about what celebrities eat, wear or like
is sought
with great attention.
Accordingly
, a heated debate
is provoked
about whether the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be exposed
to the
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
public or
we should pay respect to their privacy. In this essay, we shall conflict, both views
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On one hand, there is a symbiotic relationship between well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which one side depends on the existence of the others.
For instance
, artistic workers need exposure to the audiences to remain their public recognition and broaden their career paths.
Moreover
, through communications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of stars
are revealed
,
therefore
, the community can comprehend the truth behind their words.
For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know a political leader’s social activity better through media,
consequently
, we can decide whether he is suitable to lead the nation or not.

On the other hand
, publishing personal information of singers, actors or politicians may lead to detrimental outcomes. The safety of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is likely to
be put
in jeopardy due to the pursuit of shocking headlines. As an illustration, Diana, Princess of Wales,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in a tragic car accident for trying to lose the paparazzi chasing after.
Furthermore
, the desire for hot news about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names has brought not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
insecurity and discomfort for that group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pose a threat to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In fact, when a scandal broke, involved artists’ families and friends shall endure the crowd’s criticism
as well
as themselves.

Although this trend offers us a great deal of entertaining, disastrous effects
are led
. The overwhelming exploit of creators’ private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
result in privacy invasion and unexpected depressing consequences.
In conclusion
, this practice should
be controlled
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that media should be allowed to publish information about the private lives of famous people. Others say that everybody has a right to privacy and this practice must be controlled or even stopped.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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