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The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children? Do you think this the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest

Obesity is likely to become a problem for people because it might cause some health problem and unfortunately, children are not an exception to that. Some people think that by adding extra time for physical activities in school could help children for losing weight. It might be a good way, still its not the most effective way. I believe, another method likely promoting an awareness about healthy lifestyle is the best method for reducing obesity. Exercises do help burning the extra fat, which is piled up inside our body, thus will reduce heaviness. Children who are doing a lot of exercises are likely lighter than children who do not do enough exercise. For example, kids with the same diet, yet with different physical activities could have a different condition. Moreover, kids with less physical activities have a higher probability of becoming fat. Having said that, another approach which would result best is to introduce the healthy attitude early as possible. Furthermore, children who understand about what is good or bad for the body are tending to avoid things that could harm their health. For instance, kids are willing to do sports everyday because they were told that it would make them hardly to get sick. Another example is children are avoiding several types of food as they know it would make them gain over weight. That is why this consciousness is crucial to be kept as long as they could. In conclusion, more sports at school is just a short-term plan to prevent the child get obese, while raising an awareness is best as a long term plan which c111ould carried by children as they grow up. Both are welcome to be applied at the same time to make a greater impact.
Obesity is likely to become a problem for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problem and unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not an exception to that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that by adding extra time for physical activities in school could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for losing weight. It might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way,
still
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
not the most effective way. I believe, another method likely promoting an awareness about healthy lifestyle is the best method for reducing obesity.

Exercises do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb ‘help’ is used with an infinitive: “to burn” or “burn”.
burning
the extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which
is piled
up inside our body,
thus
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
heaviness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
exercises are likely lighter than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise.
For example
, kids with the same diet,
yet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
physical activities could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
condition.
Moreover
, kids with less physical activities have a higher probability of becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

Having said that, another approach which would result best is to introduce the healthy attitude early as possible.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who understand about what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the body are tending to avoid things that could harm their health.
For instance
, kids are willing to do sports
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them hardly to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick. Another example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are avoiding several types of food as they know it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them gain over weight.
That is
why this consciousness is crucial to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as long as they could.

In conclusion
, more sports at school is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a short-term plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese, while raising an awareness is best as a long term plan which c111ould carried by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they grow up. Both are welcome to
be applied
at the same time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a greater impact.

IELTS essay The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children? Do you think this the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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