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Some people believe that it is very important to make a large amount of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is very important to make a large amount of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. AjJOw
There is no doubt that money is an essential component of our lives. While some people believe that it is necessary to earn huge sums of money, in my opinion, our priority must be earning enough to live a comfortable life. An advantage of having a lot of money is the luxury that comes with it. Poor people have to struggle for even the basic necessities and this makes their lives miserable. By contrast, the rich can have whatever they want. They do not have to look at the price tag before buying things. They can offer the best healthcare and education to their children. They can holiday in exotic places and have all the pleasures and comforts that money can buy. Obviously, there are benefits to having a lot of money. Even so, in my opinion, it is not necessary to hoard wealth. The reason why I believe so is that oftentimes people have to sacrifice a lot of other things to be filthy rich. For example, they may have to work ridiculously long hours and this can hurt their health. If they are always busy working and focused on making money, it will affect their family life as well. In my opinion, wealth accumulated at the expense of one’s health and family life is not worth it because the only objective of earning money is to live a comfortable and happy life. If people have all the wealth in the world and yet they do not have a moment for themselves or their family, they cannot be happy and that wealth, in my opinion, is useless. Hence, I believe that everyone should know their priorities and focus on them accordingly. Of course, it is necessary to earn enough to live a comfortable life. We should also be able to save for our future. Beyond that money has no real value. While there is no harm in earning a lot of money, if it is at the expense of other important things in life, it is a foolish pursuit. To conclude, money is important and everyone should have enough of it. However, the sole purpose of our life should not be the accumulation of wealth because there are more important things in life.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an essential component of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is necessary to earn huge sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, our priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable life.

An advantage of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the luxury that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with it. Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle for even the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
miserable. By contrast, the rich can have whatever they want. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look at the price tag
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying things. They can offer the best healthcare and education to their children.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
can holiday in exotic places and have all the pleasures and comforts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Obviously
, there are benefits to having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money.

Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, it is not necessary to hoard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
. The reason why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is that oftentimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of other things to be filthy rich.
For example
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
ridiculously
long hours and this can hurt their health. If they are always busy working and focused on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it will affect their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
accumulated at the expense of one’s health and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not worth it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
objective of earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable and happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
yet
they do not have a moment for themselves or their family, they cannot be happy and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, is useless.
Hence
, I believe that everyone should know their priorities and focus on them
accordingly
.
Of course
, it is necessary to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We should
also
be able to save for our future. Beyond that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has no real value. While there is no harm in earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, if it is at the expense of other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is a foolish pursuit.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and everyone should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of it.
However
, the sole purpose of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should not be the accumulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is very important to make a large amount of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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