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Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations (e.g. weddings, birthdays). Others say expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both these views

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations (e. g. weddings, birthdays). Others say expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both these views pbBW9
Family events are spent a great amount of budget by some individuals whereas many other people consider that this costly gatherings are investing money wrongly. I believe that the latter idea is more reasonable according to some measures. Both points and my own view will be discussed below in detail. One of the reasons for spending plenty of money on family celebrations may be extreme desire to show off one's financially good condition. This is because that invited people would be surprised at the luxury facilities provided by high quality restaurants including delicious food, musicians and service. Therefore, that event is remembered by those close relatives and friends for a long time among others, even they could feel envy which may give self-satisfaction to those who organized that party. As a result, they consider that such kind of parties served as a great opportunity to prove everyone how they are making good fortune and have higher living standards than others. On the other hand, the opponents of this idea claim that it is not right to spend a great deal of money just on one party. The reason for this may be that they believe, there are a lot of good deeds which can help people who are in need. For example, in third world countries a lot of people die from famine every day or many patients do need money to be treated. While countless people are living in poor conditions we should not spend a lot of money only on a celebration at one night. So, they may have come to this conclusion and I also support this idea because it is a great way of proving one's kindness and open-mindedness by directing their extra money onto the improvement of others' life standards and assisting suffering people. In conclusion, although some people think that family gatherings should be spent plenty of money to prove their wealthy and luxury lifestyle to the people around them, it is not clever way of spending money and many other individuals strongly reject this idea due to the fact that there are better investments and choices such as helping mankind and community with that amount of money.
Family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are spent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
amount of budget by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that this costly gatherings are investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wrongly
. I believe that the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
is more reasonable according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures. Both points and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view will
be discussed
below in detail.

One of the reasons for spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on family celebrations may be extreme desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off one's
financially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that invited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be surprised
at the luxury facilities provided by high quality restaurants including delicious food, musicians and service.
Therefore
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is remembered
by those close relatives and friends for a long time among others, even they could feel envy which may give self-satisfaction to those who organized that party.
As a result
, they consider that such kind of parties served as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
opportunity to prove everyone how they are making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fortune and have higher living standards than others.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the opponents of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
claim that it is not right to spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on one party. The reason for this may be that they believe, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in need.
For example
, in third world countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from famine every day or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patients do need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
be treated
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in poor conditions we should not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on a celebration at one night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they may have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to this conclusion and I
also
support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way of proving one's kindness and open-mindedness by directing their extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
onto the improvement of others' life standards and assisting suffering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that family gatherings should
be spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to prove their wealthy and luxury lifestyle to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them, it is not
Please check whether an article is missing: "a clever".
clever
way of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals
strongly
reject this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
due to the fact that there are better investments and choices such as helping mankind and community with that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations (e. g. weddings, birthdays). Others say expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both these views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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