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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes and measures to reduce this?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes and measures to reduce this? xPJ9b
In the fragile time of children's childhood, they are hunt by academic, social, and commercial pressure which lead a disaster situation in their life. This essay will discuss the reasons of this problem of children pressure and how can individuals solve this problem by giving attention towards juvenile. To commence with, the prominent reason is competitions in academic area. In other words, parents always desire to make their child to excel in each field; therefore, parents send their infants in optimum schools where they mostly feel under-pressure. Due to having this reasons instead of attending lectures and providing their focus on education, they become completive to each other and feel low-key. For instance, in high professional school their more focus in those students who are posses more wisdom not those who are diligence because of this parents pressurize there child to come first in school. consequently, because of parents pressure in academic area adolescents are in strain. Nevertheless, to rescue this predicament, children have to be handled with great care. Parents should have realistic expectations from their children. They should have a pro-active approach and give time to their children. The biggest onus is on the schools and teachers. They should strive to bring out the best in every child and competition and co-operation should both be taught simultaneously. The aim of competition should not be to win at all cost. Children have to be taught to win with modesty and lose with grace. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the children of today are facing so many pressures, but steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood. Otherwise, these pressures will stifle the physical and psychological growth of children.
In the fragile time of children's childhood, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "hunted".
hunt
by academic, social, and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
which lead a disaster situation in their life. This essay will discuss the reasons of this problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and how can individuals solve this problem by giving attention towards juvenile.

To commence with, the prominent reason is competitions in academic area.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their child to excel in each field;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their infants in optimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where they
mostly
feel under-pressure. Due to having this reasons
instead
of attending lectures and providing their focus on education, they become
Possible spelling mistake found.
completive
to each other and feel low-key.
For instance
, in high professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
their more
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
those students who are posses more wisdom not those who are diligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pressurize there child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
in academic area adolescents are in strain.

Nevertheless
, to rescue this predicament,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with great care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should have realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should have a pro-active approach and give time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The biggest onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers. They should strive to bring out the best in every child and competition and co-operation should both
be taught
simultaneously
. The aim of competition should not be

to win at all cost.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taught
to win with modesty and lose with grace.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steps should
be taken
on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
will stifle the physical and psychological growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes and measures to reduce this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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