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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. DRpk
During human history, information transference is continued generation by generation. In this way, people have improved themselves, their tools, and their world. Learning or discovering new information needs good education or high intelligence, so not everybody can do that. For that reason, the information should spread from person to person without waiting. There are a lot of reasons why sharing information should be free. First of all, society has to improve together; otherwise, nobody can live in the world. The information which is not shared causes unjust development. Some parts of society which discover new information gain strength and they start to manage the world, so the rest of society fall behind, and this creates an unlivable world. For example, if countries that find a vaccine for the Covid do not share the information or vaccine with other countries, people who live in those countries cannot escape the pandemic because they do not have the money to buy information or discover a vaccine. Consequently, society should develop together; otherwise, nobody can live well. The second reason why the sharing of information has to be free is to develop fast. Society tries to solve problems with technology or science. These problems can be health, climate change, or software. If they do not help each other, they have to discover all the information on their own. This is impossible. Also, when scientists start to work on or develop any topic, they start to read academic articles on the topic. For example, math was discovered in Egypt, but the world uses math for every development. If Egypt had not shared, nobody could have gone to the moon. Finally, nobody can learn or discover everything and if people do not share their knowledge, people cannot solve the problems of living. In conclusion, not every segment of society can access information if others do not teach or tell them. Society will improve if and only if they work together; otherwise, nobody improves their society.
During human history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
transference
is continued
generation by generation. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
themselves, their tools, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Learning or discovering new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education or high intelligence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not everybody can do that. For that reason, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should spread from person to person without waiting.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons why sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be free.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
together;
otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nobody
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which is not shared causes unjust development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
gain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strength and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
fall behind, and this creates an unlivable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
, if countries that find a vaccine for the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
do not share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
or vaccine with other countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those countries cannot escape the pandemic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
a vaccine.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should develop together;
otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nobody
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
well.

The second reason why the sharing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be free is to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
tries to solve problems with technology or science. These problems can be health, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, or software. If they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This is impossible.
Also
, when scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work on or develop any topic, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to read academic articles on the topic.
For example
, math
was discovered
in Egypt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
math for every development. If Egypt had not shared,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nobody
could have gone to the moon.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nobody
can learn or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discover
everything and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not share their knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot solve the problems of living.

In conclusion
, not every segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
if others do not teach or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
if and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they work together;
otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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