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More and more people are shifting to cities from countryside. Does this have more advantages than disadvantages?

More and more people are shifting to cities from countryside. Does this have more advantages than disadvantages? 2BOk
In this contemporary era, the rural population is moving to urban areas for having enormous job opportunities as well as for efficient education. This tendency has more benefits as compared to its drawbacks. This essay will analyse both merits and demits in the following paragraphs with relevant examples. There are myriads of advantages of the relocation of people towards the city centre• First and foremost, many folks migrate to cities for better employment. There are plenty of job opportunities for an individual in various different fields. For example, in a survey conducted on persons who have shifted to metropolitan areas in the last 2 years, 70% of villagers are able to get the work easily in various sectors. Secondly, this trend will boost the economy of a country tremendously, In other words, more people work more income generated, more taxes can be collected, ultimately, the economy will be significantly increased. To illustrate, an annual survey conducted by the tax collection department showed that in the current year there is an increase of 40% tax that has been collected as compared to the previous year. Nevertheless, it has some negative consequences over the period. To begin with, cities will be overcrowded. Cities already have less residential area and if many villagers like to come to urban areas, there will be no enough space for living and it results in cutting the jungles and wildland so that humans can live. Furthermore, it will invite numerous health diseases. To elaborate further, if more people moving here and there, there are chances of more infection as there will not be proper social distancing between them. To exemplify, a study revealed that 70% of folks found to be infected with the contagious disease while they were doing the social gathering. In conclusion, after having the aforementioned discussion, I believe that despite some disadvantages, it has plethoras of positive benefits. With the combined efforts of the government and public, these drawbacks can be mitigated.
In this contemporary era, the rural population is moving to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for having enormous job opportunities
as well
as for efficient education. This tendency has more benefits as compared to its drawbacks. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both merits and
Possible spelling mistake found.
demits
in the following paragraphs with relevant examples.

There are myriads of advantages of the relocation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards the city
Possible spelling mistake found.
centre•
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for better employment. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of job opportunities for an individual in various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields.
For example
, in a survey conducted on persons who have shifted to metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in the last 2 years, 70% of villagers are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the work
easily
in various sectors.
Secondly
, this trend will boost the economy of a country
tremendously
,
In other words
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work more income generated, more taxes can
be collected
,
ultimately
, the economy will be
significantly
increased. To illustrate, an annual survey conducted by the tax collection department
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
year there is an increase of 40% tax that has
been collected
as compared to the previous year.

Nevertheless
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "over". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences over
the period. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
be overcrowded
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
already have less residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
villagers like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, there will be no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for living and it results in cutting the jungles and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wildland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that humans can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Furthermore
, it will invite numerous health diseases. To elaborate
further
, if more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving here and there, there are chances of more infection as there will not be proper social distancing between them. To exemplify, a study revealed that 70% of folks found to
be infected
with the contagious disease while they were doing the social gathering.

In conclusion
, after having the aforementioned discussion, I believe that despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
plethoras
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits. With the combined efforts of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and public, these drawbacks can
be mitigated
.
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IELTS essay More and more people are shifting to cities from countryside. Does this have more advantages than disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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