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some people believe that it is expensive to treat and find diseases, so protective measure is better. Do you agree?

some people believe that it is expensive to treat and find diseases, so protective measure is better. Do you agree? Q5E23
A plethora of society claims that prevention of diseases is better than cure in the light of the fact that it is not costly.   I am not in favor of the opinion that investigating and using medicine for medicinal purposes will be carried out with everybody and justifications are as follows. First of all, we are able to use open-air activities to fight against several types of dangerous diseases, especially diabetes and the heart diseases before these health problems assault the people. For instance, exercise can decrease the chances to become these patients. Making parks, playgrounds, and cinema halls can influence people to do exercise, which can protect the people from these intense sicknesses. This can be achieved by investing the money in preventive measures from the health budget. The second case in point is that diet can be controlled. Healthy foods or even low-sugar sweets, vegetarian foods can be replaced with high-fat, high-cholesterol foods. For example, a week we should only eat foods containing a lot of fat such as soft drinks, french fries instead, we should eat more green vegetables to be good for the heart. Taking everything into considerable is that there is wide array of reasons that point out the benefits of preventive methods. In my opinion, I am into that the cure will be not a good measure to protect my health. In the modern society, it is to easy to looking for healthy information, then we can avoid harmful foods to remain our lives.
A plethora of society claims that prevention of diseases is better than cure in the light of the fact that it is not costly.
 
I am not in favor of the opinion that investigating and using medicine for medicinal purposes will
be carried
out with everybody and justifications are as follows.

First of all
, we are able to
use
open-air activities to fight against several types of
dangerous
diseases,
especially
diabetes and the heart diseases
before
these health problems assault the
people
.
For instance
, exercise can decrease the chances to become these patients. Making parks, playgrounds, and cinema halls can influence
people
to do exercise, which can protect the
people
from these intense sicknesses. This can
be achieved
by investing the money in preventive measures from the health budget.

The second case in point is that diet can
be controlled
. Healthy
foods
or even low-sugar sweets, vegetarian
foods
can
be replaced
with high-
fat
, high-cholesterol
foods
.
For example
, a week we should
only
eat
foods
containing
a lot of
fat
such as soft drinks, french fries
instead
, we should eat more green vegetables to be
good
for the heart.

Taking everything into considerable is that there is wide array of reasons that point out the benefits of preventive methods. In my opinion, I am into that the cure will be not a
good
measure to protect my health. In the modern society, it is
to
easy to looking for healthy information, then we can avoid harmful
foods
to remain our
lives
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that it is expensive to treat and find diseases, so protective measure is better. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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