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some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such a situation.

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such a situation. w5ME
It is often argued that accept any bad situations for their best even if it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that they must learn to overcome such situations. First of all, unsatisfactory job experience and shortage of money are worse than any kind of situation people have to face. If people happen to have a hard time around working period or money shortage in their life, they cannot focus on their own life or goals and also will be led to bad health conditions. For example, when I was working as an intern, I got all kind of works in an office including buying coffee, passing letters throughout the building, etc. at that time I couldn’t be able to focus my studies and had to drop out from university. Because of that, I had to take counselling for two years and It impacted my career life. That’s why people must try to improve such situations for their best. Secondly, people should try to learn things from any kind of situations to move on. In other words, after an unsatisfied experience or situation in their career life, they can learn how to deal with such kind of situation to get better results in future. For example, famous researchers are always trying to learn things from their experiment attempts although they have to try uncountable times. That’s why they are improving their knowledge as well as rapid innovation of the world. Thus, improving bad situations in people’s life outweigh the drawback of accepted any bad situation in a long-term perspective. To conclude, I strongly believe people should try to overcome any bad situations because it makes them happy and motivated.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that accept any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
for their best even if it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to overcome such situations.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, unsatisfactory job experience and shortage of money are worse than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happen to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time around working period or money shortage in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they cannot focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or goals and
also
will
be led
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
health conditions.
For example
, when I was working as an intern, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of works in an office including buying coffee, passing letters throughout the building, etc. at that time I couldn’t be able to focus my studies and had to drop out from university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, I had to take counselling for two years and It impacted my career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. That’s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
for their best.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
things from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on.
In other words
, after an unsatisfied experience or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to deal with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
researchers are always trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
things from their experiment attempts although they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try uncountable times. That’s why they are improving their knowledge
as well
as rapid innovation of the world.
Thus
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outweigh the drawback of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a long-term perspective".
in a long-term perspective
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to overcome any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and motivated.
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IELTS essay some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such a situation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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