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In some countries owning a home rather that renting one is very important for people Why might this be the case Do you think is a positive or negative situation

In some countries owning a home rather that renting one is very important for people Why might this be the case Do you think is a positive or negative situation 2XxM
It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose owning a house if it does not appeal to you at all. In my opinion, it’s a positive situation that owning a home is much more important than renting a house. First of all, I believe that a house is a place where family have some precious moments and share emotional attachments with their place of living. That is why one’s own house is a place where they can live and even for their upcoming generations could value the lifestyle of their ancestors. For example, my grandfather’s father had constructed the house which I am living with my family today. Because of that, we had lot of valuable memories. And also, still we are respecting the traditional values which came from our ancestor times. That is why owning a house is more important to choose to live that makes you happy and more attachable with your family. Secondly, owning a house keeps you away from additional payments which can be a burden to your lifestyle. In other words, rent can be often increased over many factors. For instance, one of my friends had to pay double the rent for her accommodation, because the neighbourhood was planning to build a supermarket and cinema complex in front of her house. Thus, advantages of owning a house outweigh the drawback of renting a house in a long-term perspective. To conclude, I strongly believe that owning a house is more beneficial and create very positive situation than renting a home. Because it gives people more freedom and make them happy.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that it is more advantageous to choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to own".
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
if it does not appeal to you at all. In my opinion, it’s a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a home is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than renting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is a place where family
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precious moments and share emotional attachments with their place of living.
That is
why one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is a place where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and even for their upcoming generations could value the lifestyle of their ancestors.
For example
, my grandfather’s father had constructed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
which I am living with my family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, we had
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
valuable memories. And
also
,
still
we are respecting the traditional values which came from our ancestor times.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy and more attachable with your family.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you away from additional payments which can be a burden to your lifestyle.
In other words
, rent can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
increased over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors.
For instance
, one of my friends had to pay double the rent for her accommodation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
was planning to build a supermarket and cinema complex in front of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Thus
, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
outweigh the drawback of renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a long-term perspective".
in a long-term perspective
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is more beneficial and create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation than renting a home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more freedom and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy.
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IELTS essay In some countries owning a home rather that renting one is very important for people Why might this be the case Do you think is a positive or negative situation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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