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Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do.

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. 9Y28r
Working has always been a hot topic in terms of unemployment, overworking, etc. Recently, there are some ideas which are argued that older people should carry on with working if they are able to do. From my point of view, I do not support the idea of the elder working if it is possible for them. Firstly, even if their body is suitable for the work, it still very dangerous for the old to keep on working despite their age. If they continue to work, they will eventually get some typical problems for the old such as high blood pressure, etc. Then the cost to cure those issues will overwhelm the income and their work will be meaningless. There is research by the University of Melbourne that nearly 90 percent of the worker between the age of 60 and 70 who continue working end up having at least one common old-age sickness. The research also demonstrates that worker who works more than 50 years of their life will become less happy than those who work from 40 to 50 years. On top of that, the efficiency of the old worker is a lot slower than the adult one, therefore, the income they will get will be lower. The older they are, the slower they become. That is an obvious fact. The University of Sydney has surveyed some companies in Australia and come up with a problem that workers between the age of 50 and 60 are working 46 percent slower than those who are under the age of 30. In conclusion, the old worker should not carry on with their career because of their inefficiency and their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
has always been a hot topic in terms of unemployment, overworking, etc. Recently, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which
are argued
that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should carry on with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
if they are able to do. From my point of view, I do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
if it is possible for them.

Firstly
, even if their body is suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
despite their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. If they continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
typical problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
such as high blood pressure, etc. Then the cost to cure those issues will overwhelm the income and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will be meaningless. There is research by the University of Melbourne that
nearly
90 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 and 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having at least one common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age sickness. The research
also
demonstrates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works more than 50 years of their life will become less happy than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 40 to 50 years.

On top of that
, the efficiency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is a lot slower than the adult one,
therefore
, the income they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
. The older they are, the slower they become.
That is
an obvious fact. The University of Sydney has surveyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Australia and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 50 and 60 are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
46 percent slower than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 30.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
should not carry on with their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inefficiency and their health.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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