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Some people believe that iPad is good for user and have a lot of benefits. Do you agree?

Some people believe that iPad is good for user and have a lot of benefits. Do you agree? 9l3Kp
There are many different perspectives about iPads. On the one hand, the iPad is a technology that helps people achieve uncomplicated and more expedient life. It has many programs and applications to facilitate us. On the other hand, the iPad causes bad health. However, From my point of view, iPads have more advantages. This essay will clarify possible factors that can identify why iPads have advantages. First of all, the iPad has been used to study conveniently because it had been designed for work in various fields. There are many programs to help students jobs more efficiently. They can choose different programs for their production. For example, Excel can help them to calculate or plot graphs, Word can help them to do reports, and PowerPoint can help them to make presentation slides. Therefore, studying can not lack an iPad because it is very important. In addition, it has been used for the way of business. For instance, the business about department store, office or workplace, factory. In department stores and offices, they used iPad to make an account and contact service users. In the factory, they used iPads to control production, assemble parts of equipment, made more quality of production. Hence, you can see that the iPad makes the task more accurate. Furthermore, it has been used for communication. If you want to communicate with other people, you can download many applications on your iPad such as Facebook, Messenger, Line, Instagram. Moreover, it is convenient to carry it outside because this size is not too big. As a result, the iPad is a technology that is suitable for use for communication. To conclude, iPads have made life easier and more convenient caused by work easily, fast because there are many programs that optimal for performance and encourage about Business and it can be used as a communication device. For these reasons, it has fine if we use the iPad in daily life.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
iPads. On the one hand, the iPad is a technology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
achieve uncomplicated and more expedient life. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and applications to facilitate us.
On the other hand
, the iPad causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health.
However
, From my point of view, iPads have more advantages. This essay will clarify possible factors that can identify why iPads have advantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the iPad has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study
conveniently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it had
been designed
for work in various fields. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students jobs more
efficiently
. They can choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for their production.
For example
, Excel can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to calculate or plot graphs, Word can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to do reports, and PowerPoint can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
presentation slides.
Therefore
, studying can not lack an iPad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In addition
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the way of business.
For instance
, the business about department store, office or workplace, factory. In department stores and offices, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
iPad to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an account and contact service users. In the factory, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
iPads to control production, assemble parts of equipment, made more quality of production.
Hence
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the iPad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the task more accurate.

Furthermore
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication. If you want to communicate with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, you can download
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications on your iPad such as Facebook, Messenger, Line, Instagram.
Moreover
, it is convenient to carry it outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this size is not too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
.
As a result
, the iPad is a technology
that is
suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for communication.

To conclude
, iPads have made life easier and more convenient caused by work
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that optimal for performance and encourage about Business and it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a communication device. For these reasons, it has fine if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the iPad in daily life.

IELTS essay Some people believe that iPad is good for user and have a lot of benefits. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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