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some people believe that having a high salary is the most important deliberation when choosing a career or job.

some people believe that having a high salary is the most important deliberation when choosing a career or job. WqEaN
In this day and age, money is an important thing. So, some people believe that having a high salary is the most important deliberation when choosing a career or job. Although I do not deny the importance of money, I completely argue with this statement. It is reasonable for some people to consider that the size of salary is an essential factor when choosing an occupation. First and foremost, they need money to pay for accommodation, healthcare, utility bills and education. So most job seekers contemplate it as a priority to at least earn a living. Additionally, if some people chose the job with enjoyment or nonfinancial factors, they might find it arduous to support themselves and perhaps, nobody can still pursue their job. Artists, for example, at first choose their career because of love, but if that doesn't provide them adequate funds to have a comfortable life and raise money, they might not pursue this job. Nevertheless, there is no doubt in my mind that other factors are more important than money. One reason for my belief is to achieve job satisfaction, we need to contemplate the work environment because. If we find a suitable and friendly work environment for ourselves, we will tend to love it and it is most likely to be more efficient in productivity. Moreover; other important aspect is self-development opportunities. If people have a chance to show our ability and get feedback on our mistakes, it will impulse us to work harder and definitely restrict a decrease in productivity. In conclusion, while high income plays an important role in people’s choice of occupation, I can find a crucial aspect of it. In my opinion, I absolutely argue that money is the most important consideration
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having a high salary is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
deliberation when choosing a career or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although I do not deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I completely argue with this statement.

It is reasonable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consider that the size of salary is an essential factor when choosing an occupation.
First
and foremost, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for accommodation, healthcare, utility bills and education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers contemplate it as a priority to at least earn a living.
Additionally
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with enjoyment or
Possible spelling mistake found.
nonfinancial
factors, they might find it arduous to support themselves and perhaps, nobody can
still
pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Artists,
for example
, at
first
choose their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if that doesn't provide them adequate funds to have a comfortable life and raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they might not pursue this job.

Nevertheless
, there is no doubt in my mind that other factors are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One reason for my belief is to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction, we need to contemplate the work environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
. If we find a suitable and friendly work environment for ourselves, we will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it and it is most likely to be more efficient in productivity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
; other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
aspect is self-development opportunities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our ability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feedback on our mistakes, it will impulse us to work harder and definitely restrict a decrease in productivity.

In conclusion
, while high income plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice of occupation, I can find a crucial aspect of it. In my opinion, I
absolutely
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consideration
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IELTS essay some people believe that having a high salary is the most important deliberation when choosing a career or job.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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