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Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements for success in life. Other people feel that other factors are more significant. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements for success in life. Other people feel that other factors are more significant. jRGey
According to some people, great deal of effort or endurance (backbreaking work) ought to be success in life, whereas there are those who think the other factors are as important as they said. Although other majors are necessary, it seems to me that endurance and hardly work has a more important role to play for people. Admittedly, some reckon that, people must have some factors namely, education, finance and family background, fortune, grace so on to be successful. This is because if they follow, these factors are more likely to reach them to success in short way, while people of societies if believing this, they do not have energy to go on and it would be a big failure. A great example of this is, in Iran, children with support political and wealthy background parents, would help to be success in a one night, another name for them (called) Aghazadeh. Them succeeding are by bribery and subornation most of the time. Although they would like to deny this, which is why them would be success in life as per the eyes of others. Therefore, it could be argued that one of the ways to reach success in young ages is adhering these ways, while good education or willpower to be successful also important. On the other hand, people push themselves by working hard in order to being successes. This help them become more satisfy of themselves and successes. Otherwise they won’t enjoy their private life and don’t have any time for their own. A study shows 70 percent of people around the world work industrious to obtain in their goals, rather than people who are not willing give their potentials. Them teaching to our children to be assiduous, are more likely to be successes. The bottom line is that it is not imperative how you get to success if we have an ambitious, so as to pushing ourselves for reaching the goals. Despite the importance of the people following their factor goals, I am a firm believer that them working hard to the better prospects of their lives is of paramount importance.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, great deal of effort or endurance (backbreaking work) ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in life, whereas there are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they said. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
majors are necessary, it seems to me that endurance and hardly work has a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reckon that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
namely
, education, finance and family background, fortune, grace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to be successful. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they follow, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are more likely to reach them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in short way, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of societies if believing this, they do not have energy to go on and it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
failure. A great example of this is, in Iran, children with support political and wealthy background parents, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in a one night, another name for them (called)
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aghazadeh
.
Did you mean "Then"?
Them
succeeding are by bribery and subornation most of the time. Although they would like to deny this, which is why them would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in life as per the eyes of others.
Therefore
, it could
be argued
that one of the ways to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in young ages is adhering these ways, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education or willpower to be successful
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
push themselves by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successes
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become more satisfy of themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successes
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
they won’t enjoy their private life and don’t have any time for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world work industrious to obtain in their goals,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not willing give their potentials.
Did you mean "Then"?
Them
teaching to our children to be assiduous, are more likely to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successes
. The bottom line is that it is not imperative how you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
if we have an ambitious,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
pushing ourselves for reaching the goals.

Despite the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
following their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
goals, I am a firm believer that them working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to the better prospects of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is of paramount importance.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements for success in life. Other people feel that other factors are more significant.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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