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Celebrations such as New Year can make some people feel lonelier than usual. What are the reasons for this and how might this issue be tackled?

Celebrations such as New Year can make some people feel lonelier than usual. What are the reasons for this and how might this issue be tackled? QLJGy
Celebrations such as New Year is always special occasions that everyone can hang out or do what they like together, the events that family members can gather. But nowadays, because of their own busy work, many can not spend time for their friends and family, leading to a very lonely time. However, there is a way to tackle this problem that is calls. As far as the causes of this issue are concerned, the foremost cause of this loneliness is the world of work that make people be busier in almost of their time than ever. They always have something to do, the less free time they have, but the more deadline on a daily basis. As a result, people have to refuse mostly the invitations whenever each special occasion coming. On an individual level, people who choose to stay alone in unusual time, they can do the work bringing some financial benefits for them. But instead of having wonderful time with their close relationships, they can not in work-free situation in all day, so the feeling of loneliness is increased many times compared to normal. However, by connecting with their friends and family members through phone calls, or even video calls, people who have plenty of work to do can feel less lonely in special occasions. They just need to spend around one hour to confide in with important people. By this way, they do not have to neglect their work but still know how the others prepare for the holiday, how happy it brings, etc. Pausing the work a moment to feel the value of life, occasions like that can bring. And then, people will feel less lonely because they feel a bit holiday atmosphere from their family and friend. In conclusion, loneliness can be a problem that people have to face when New Year coming. However, they can tackle this by keeping in touch with the others through electronic devices.
Celebrations such as New Year is always special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
that everyone can hang out or do what they like together, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can gather.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
can not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, leading to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, there is a way to tackle this problem
that is
calls.

As far as the causes of this issue
are concerned
, the foremost cause of this loneliness is the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be busier in almost of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than ever. They always have something to do, the less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the more deadline on a daily basis.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
refuse
mostly
the invitations whenever each special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
coming. On an individual level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose to stay alone in unusual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial benefits for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
instead
of having wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their close relationships, they can not in work-free situation in all day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the feeling of loneliness
is increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
compared to normal.

However
, by connecting with their friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members through phone calls, or even video calls,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to do can
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feel
less lonely in special
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occasions
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to spend around one hour to confide in with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By this way, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
know how the others prepare for the holiday, how happy it brings, etc. Pausing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a moment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the value of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
like that can bring. And then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
less lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
holiday atmosphere from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friend.

In conclusion
, loneliness can be a problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face when New Year coming.
However
, they can tackle this by keeping in touch with the others through electronic devices.
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IELTS essay Celebrations such as New Year can make some people feel lonelier than usual. What are the reasons for this and how might this issue be tackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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