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Some people believe that every children should be taught musical instruments, do you agree or not

Some people believe that every children should be taught musical instruments, do you agree or not 2rlyo
It is indeed that, music is a language of soul and in which there is no language barrier. People can easily get relaxation and satisfaction while listening music, but without knowledge of musical instrument it is pretty hard that is why there is a need to learn it how to play musical instruments. Some scholars believe that every children should be taught how to use musical instruments, I agree with the given statement. Nowadays, all the universities and educational sectors believe in various activities such as, sports and arts and so on, and music also one of them. There are several advantages to teach music to juveniles, the prime reason is that because of the educational activities sometimes students get anxiety or depression, hence they have to suffer unforeseen circumstances but in which music is boon for them because with the help of music they can outcome it. Moreover, to learn how to play music equipments is one kind of skill, and owing to that children can perform many things. For instance, children can participate in various events which are connected with music, drama and films. This skill can also help students to earn money in short span of time then they can become self dependent. In addition, in the current era there are plethora opportunities for them, who connects with musical industry, there fore students can also make their name and fame in order to become successful in the days of future. On the other side, other short sighted people assert that, childhood is more indispensable to learn important things. However, children ought to be not taught musical instruments because it is a totally waste of time, instead of that students should do more focus on the research and development because nation's development depends on it. To sum up, I opine that in early age to learn how to play musical instruments is really great beginning for childrens, hence they should move forward and learn it, it is a wise notion according to me.
It is
indeed
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a language of soul and in which there is no language barrier.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxation and satisfaction while listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
it is pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
that is
why there is a need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scholars believe that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
should
be taught
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. Nowadays, all the universities and educational sectors believe in various activities such as, sports and arts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
one of them. There are several advantages to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to juveniles, the prime reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the educational activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anxiety or depression,
hence
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer unforeseen circumstances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is boon for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they
The word 'outcome' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can outcome
it.
Moreover
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
equipments is one kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, and owing to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can participate in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which
are connected
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, drama and films. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to earn money in short span of time then they can become self dependent.
In addition
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era there are plethora opportunities for them, who connects with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
industry,
This word is normally spelled as one.
there fore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their name and fame in order to become successful in the days of future. On the other side, other
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
short sighted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that, childhood is more indispensable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to be not taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
You used an adverb ('totally') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('waste') instead of another adjective.
totally waste
of time,
instead
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should do more focus on the research and development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nation's development depends on it. To sum up, I opine that in early age to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
is
really
great beginning for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
,
hence
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it, it is a wise notion according to me.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that every children should be taught musical instruments, do you agree or not

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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