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Some people believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that music is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our lives. Some people think that a number of pupils have to be educated to handle the artistic equipment. Although other subjects such as math or science are significant, I strongly agree with the idea. In this essay, I shall explain why children should learn a musical instrument. First of all, when a group of young people play a musical instrument, it is helpful not only to develop creativity, but also to achieve academic performance. For example, when they try to use the musical equipment, they can organise(compose) how to play it properly before starting. This is because this kind of brainstorming boosts their creativity to indicate a good performance. Furthermore, when they handle these artistic tools, they can improve their academic performance. Hence, music gives them how to be patient, which is beneficial to study in terms of problem-solving skills. Thus, playing musical tools would provide good achievements for children. Moreover, music is easily accessible when it comes to making new friends. For instance, when they start a group task in art, they can share their opinion to discuss with others because it is useful to the interpersonal skills to interact with each other. As far as making relationship is concerned, they are able to communicate within a group, then their social skills will be developed. This is because claiming own ideas enhances the communication skill. Therefore, playing music with tools can be a tight-knit relationship for children to make new people because it improves children's personality. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some say that art is not essential in studying or living life, I believe that using any types of instrument is needed to live children's lives. A majority of adults can encourage them to use as much as they can.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a number of pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be educated
to handle the artistic equipment. Although other subjects such as math or science are significant, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why children should learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, when a group of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument, it is helpful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to develop creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to achieve academic performance.
For example
, when they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
equipment, they can
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
(compose) how to play it
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this kind of brainstorming boosts their creativity to indicate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance.
Furthermore
, when they handle these artistic tools, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
gives them how to be patient, which is beneficial to study in terms of problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Thus
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
tools would provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievements for children.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
easily
accessible when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to making new friends.
For instance
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a group task in art, they can share their opinion to discuss with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is useful to the interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to interact with each other. As far as making relationship
is concerned
, they are able to communicate within a group, then their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
be developed
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
claiming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
enhances the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
Therefore
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with tools can be a tight-knit relationship for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
children's personality.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that art is not essential in studying or living life, I believe that using any types of instrument
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A majority of adults can encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as much as they can.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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