Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is often argued that music is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our lives.

It is often argued that music is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our lives. Some people think that a number of pupils have to be educated to handle the artistic equipment. Although other subjects such as math or science are significant, I strongly agree with the idea. In this essay, I shall explain why children should learn a musical instrument. First of all, when a group of young people play a musical instrument, it is helpful not only to develop creativity, but also to achieve academic performance. For example, when they try to use the musical equipment, they can organise(compose) how to play it properly before starting. This is because this kind of brainstorming boosts their creativity to indicate a good performance. Furthermore, when they handle these artistic tools, they can improve their academic performance. Hence, music gives them how to be patient, which is beneficial to study in terms of problem-solving skills. Thus, playing musical tools would provide good achievements for children.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that music is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a number of pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be educated
to handle the artistic equipment. Although other subjects such as math or science are significant, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why children should learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, when a group of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument, it is helpful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to develop creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to achieve academic performance.
For example
, when they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
equipment, they can
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
(compose) how to play it
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this kind of brainstorming boosts their creativity to indicate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance.
Furthermore
, when they handle these artistic tools, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance.
Hence
, music gives them how to be patient, which is beneficial to study in terms of problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
tools would provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievements for children.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay It is often argued that music is necessary to relax our mind and to offer feeling happy emotion in our lives.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts