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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much(1) and (2) their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much(1) and (2) their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. g3w3
A group of people think that entertainers have high amount of salary and it affects community unfavorably, while others disagree saying that since they have effective impact on other individuals, so they merit the money. I, as one, would support the former opinion based on the following discussion. There are several reasons that show entertainers should not be paid so much. The first reason is that there are some works which have the most important impact on society. For example, although a doctor study very hard for many years, and has to stay at hospital for long hours, the money which they are paid is not too much. Against when a concert artist performs a program, their wages may be one hundred thousand dollars that is over of one-year salary of a doctor. Sometimes, individuals miss their willing for hard education and works with noticing difference of incomes. The Other reason is that behaviors some of entertainers are not worthy and suitable for society. They have huge income, therefore they wear expensive clothes and ride plenty of cars. Many people especially youth may imitate them without thinking. This following leads to having wrong habits in a society such as tendency to luxury life style. On the other hand, according to entertainers’ positive impact on other people then they deserve high income. Firstly, there are some works have the best important impact on society. Showmen are highly paid because they are able to amuse others by their inherent talent. People need recreations for their free times, thus entertainers make them feel better and happy. Theremore, entertainers have a sensitive job which requires strong spirit and feeling. For instance, an actor should be able to show different emotions at one time. Some times actors play roles which affect their real life, so their life is disturbed. Then they have their own problems.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
have high amount of salary and it affects community
unfavorably
, while others disagree saying that since they have effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they merit the money. I, as one, would support the former opinion based on the following discussion. There are several reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
should not
be paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. The
first
reason is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works which have the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, although a doctor study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
stay at hospital for long hours, the money which they
are paid
is not too much. Against when a concert artist performs a program, their wages may be one hundred thousand dollars
that is
over of one-year salary of a doctor.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, individuals miss their willing for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
education and works with noticing difference of incomes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
reason is that behaviors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are not worthy and suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They have huge income,
therefore
they wear expensive clothes and ride
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of cars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
youth may imitate them without thinking. This following leads to having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
habits in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as tendency to luxury life style.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then they deserve high income.
Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works have the best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Showmen are
highly
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to amuse others by their inherent talent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need recreations for their free times,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel better and happy.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Theremore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
have a sensitive job which requires strong spirit and feeling.
For instance
, an actor should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
emotions at one time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
times actors play roles which affect their real life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their life
is disturbed
. Then they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much(1) and (2) their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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