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Some people believe that employees should stay in the same job for the rest of their lives. Others think they should switch jobs at least once during their career. To what extent do you agree / disagree? v.1

Some people believe that employees should stay in the same job for the rest of their lives. Others think they should switch jobs at least once during their career. v. 1
Recently the majority of individuals have become more aware of what university program they have to pursue, in order to have a great career. Although, staying in one company or running just one business must be challenging, a small number of people believe that working at the same job from the beginning until the end of their life is better than switching the jobs. In contrast, others think it's crucial to make alterations and changes in your life positions. In this essay I will analyse both sides of the argument before presenting my opinion. To begin with, some people think that it is good for the employees to continue working for their current employer throughout their life extension. This is because, being in a stable career for a long period will boost the employer skills and qualifications that will lead to a convenient life. A prime example of that is a study by the Harvard University that indicates 50 percent of the American professionals who have been working in the same job for over 20 years have superior salary package and higher positions. However, others believe that switching a job extends numerous opportunities to acquire various new skills, new friendships and different job locations which will lead an individual to travel around the country or the world. To illustrate, recent world bank studies showed that 44% of the workers who are switching their jobs have a significant health according to the yearly medical surveys. Furthermore, companies prefer an independent employee who has the courage to obtain skills and holds an experience in major operations. In conclusion, working in one place for a long time is not an enormous problem, but for a better and entertained life, people should spend their career life by experiencing different phases. However, I personally believe that navigating from one place to another is suitable for everyone and everybody should try different things.
Recently the majority of individuals have become more aware of what university program they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pursue, in order to have a great career. Although, staying in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or running
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be challenging, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from the beginning until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is better than switching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In contrast
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
alterations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
positions. In this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
presenting my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the employees to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
extension. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, being in a stable career for a long period will boost the employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualifications that will lead to a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A prime example of
that is
a study by the Harvard University that indicates 50 percent of the American professionals who have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for over 20 years have superior salary package and higher positions.

However
, others believe that switching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
extends numerous opportunities to acquire various new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, new friendships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
locations which will lead an individual to travel around the country or the world. To illustrate, recent
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 44% of the workers who are switching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have a significant health according to the yearly medical surveys.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer an independent employee who has the courage to obtain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and holds an experience in major operations.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in one place for a long time is not an enormous problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for a better and entertained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should spend their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases.
However
, I
personally
believe that navigating from one place to another is suitable for everyone and everybody should try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people believe that employees should stay in the same job for the rest of their lives. Others think they should switch jobs at least once during their career. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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