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Some people believe that education systems should make students learn a wide range of subjects

Some people believe that education systems should make students learn a wide range of subjects 1nbrA
It would be argued by some that students should be entailed learning many subjects until they graduate, others believe that students ought to have the right to opt certain subjects. In my opinion, I deem each education system also has benefits itself, however, I believe learning certain subjects is better for students than ones. On the one hand, there are various advantages as students can learn a wide range of subjects. Firstly, each subject contains a unique knowledge, if students can access to different subjects, they more likely to have more view and knowledge about aspects of life. Consequently, students will be equipped with the necessary skills that can assist them in solving different problems. Indeed, studying different subjects is expected to bring to students more employment opportunities. Hence companies tend to employ staff who have different knowledge and skills and students can offer them a competitive edge when they apply for a job in a multinational company, as opposed to those who are not good at English or other languages for example. On the other hand, I argue that students who just have to concentrate on their favorite subjects can have more benefits. Nowadays students must spend a great amount of time on learning many theory and assignment which is not practical knowledge, if students can just learn their favorite subjects, they will have more time to invest in other activities like extracurricular activities to develop themselves or relaxation to recharge energy. For instance, In many Asia countries like Vietnam or China, students must learn many subjects in high school, they are required to take exams continuously, however after the exams, they do not mind about knowledge of subjects that they do not enjoy. Therefore, instead of wasting time on many subjects, students should be permitted to chose and learn their favorite subjects and spend more time on discovering deeper. As a result, students can get more fun studying and have more knowledge about their major. In conclusion, although the knowledge learned from a variety of classes is potentially helpful, I believe that a study program with not so many subjects is more beneficial to students who have more time for relaxation or deeper study.
It would
be argued
by
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some
that
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students
should
be entailed
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
until they graduate, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to have the right to opt certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my opinion, I deem each education system
also
has benefits itself,
however
, I believe learning certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is better for
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students
than ones.

On the one hand, there are various advantages as
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students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Firstly
, each
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subject
contains a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they more likely to have more view and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about aspects of life.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be equipped
with the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can assist them in solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
problems.
Indeed
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to bring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more employment opportunities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
tend to employ staff
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who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can offer them a competitive edge when they apply for a job in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, as opposed to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at English or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
languages
for example
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I argue that
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate on their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can have more benefits. Nowadays
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on learning
Possible agreement error. The noun theory seems to be countable; consider using: "many theories".
many theory
and assignment which is not practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities like extracurricular activities to develop themselves or relaxation to recharge energy.
For instance
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Asia countries like Vietnam or China,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in high school, they
are required
to take exams
continuously
,
however
after the exams, they do not mind about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they do not enjoy.
Therefore
,
instead
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be permitted
to chose and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on discovering deeper.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more fun studying and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about their major.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
learned from a variety of classes is
potentially
helpful, I believe that a study program with not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation or deeper study.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that education systems should make students learn a wide range of subjects

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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