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Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. To what extent do you agree or disgree?

Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. JoDdj
In this contemporary world, there seems to be a dilemma regarding how highly developed nations should do its part to help the economically backward countries. While some people believe that financial aid is enough, others believe that alternate types of resources should be provided instead to aid these nations. I agree with this statement to some extent and will discuss my reasons for the same in this essay. On one hand, rich nations lending money to the developing nations have its own sets of advantages. Firstly, the receiving nation knows best where to invest the capital funds and where to allocate them. For example, in the Israel- Palestinian war, the USA transferred millions of dollars to aid their ally Israel, which were subsequently utilised to strengthen their army and equip them with advanced military weapons. Secondly, liquid cash helps to uplift the financial status of the underprivileged nation. For example, China helped Pakistan to clear off its massive debts from the World Bank. This resulted in increasing the value of the Pakistani currency against the dollar. Conversely, giving only money funds does not necessarily alleviate poverty. For example, in the Haiti earthquake calamity, manpower, food, and shelter were the main resources that were the need of the hour and not cash. To tackle this, Bill Gates Foundation provided volunteers while Red Cross distributed food packages and UNICEF helped in constructing large-scale shelters and medications to the catastrophe victims. All these cumulatively helped to alleviate poverty from the Haiti region. To conclude, I would like to emphasise that while financial aids in terms of funds may be one of the effective ways to fight against poverty, it is certainly not enough as manpower, food, shelter, medicines and other such essential resources are equally and vitally important. I strongly believe that well-to-do countries should provide a helping hand to the poverty-ridden nations depending upon the need of the situation.
In this contemporary world, there seems to be a dilemma regarding how
highly
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should do its part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
economically
backward countries. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, others believe that alternate types of resources should
be provided
instead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and will discuss my reasons for the same in this essay.

On one hand, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
lending money to the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sets of advantages.
Firstly
, the receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
knows best where to invest the capital funds and where to allocate them.
For example
, in the Israel- Palestinian war, the USA transferred millions of dollars to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
their ally Israel, which were
subsequently
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to strengthen their army and equip them with advanced military weapons.
Secondly
, liquid cash
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to uplift the financial status of the underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
Pakistan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
off its massive debts from the World Bank. This resulted in increasing the value of the Pakistani currency against the dollar.

Conversely
, giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money funds does not
necessarily
alleviate poverty.
For example
, in the Haiti earthquake calamity, manpower, food, and shelter were the main resources that were the need of the hour and not cash. To tackle this, Bill Gates Foundation provided volunteers while Red Cross distributed food packages and UNICEF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in constructing large-scale shelters and medications to the catastrophe victims. All these
cumulatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to alleviate poverty from the Haiti region.

To conclude
, I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
that while financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
in terms of funds may be one of the effective ways to fight against poverty, it is
certainly
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as manpower, food, shelter, medicines and other such essential resources are
equally
and
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I
strongly
believe that well-to-do countries should provide a helping hand to the poverty-ridden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
depending upon the need of the situation.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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