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Some people believe that e-sport should be included in the Olympic Games while others are of the opinion that this kind of sport should never be accepted as an Olympic sport. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that e-sport should be included in the Olympic Games while others are of the opinion that this kind of sport should never be accepted as an Olympic sport. B71ep
With the evolution of technology being faster, some people have considered that e-sport should be included in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the others believe that this kind of sport does not meet the requirements of the Olympics. In this essay, I will take a look at both views and then show my opinion. Many people assume that the Olympics should add e-sport into its Games. E-sport meets all the criteria to be in the Olympic Games. A study shows that esports players do have an increased heart rate similar to people playing physical sports. It develops the participant both physically such as hands, eyes and mentally likes thinking, reflex skills. Nowadays, the largest sports championship in the world is losing its viewership. As video games are becoming popular these days, more and more people pay attention to this sport. Thus, the Olympics needs e-sport to increase the number of viewers and make it hot again. On the contrary, the others suppose that e-sport cannot be in the Olympic Games, I am more in this notion. The Olympics was held to honor sports that improve the quality of people’s health. To participate in e-sport, participants must sit still in one place for several hours, maybe up to 70 hours a week, which leads to obesity and other weight problems. Besides, looking at the screen for that amount of time may ruin the eyesight of players. Secondly, the games which are mostly played in the international tournament are the violent ones. It can have a bad influence on the young watchers who are at the age of learning. They can become cruel and violent after watching this sport at the Olympics. In conclusion, people need to discuss more whether they should add the e-sport in the Olympics. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that e-sport in the Olympics is a bad idea.
With the evolution of technology being faster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have considered that e-sport should
be included
in the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
. Meanwhile, the others believe that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements of the Olympics. In this essay, I will take a look at both views and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that the Olympics should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
e-sport into its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
. E-sport meets all the criteria to be in the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
players do have an increased heart rate similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
playing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It develops the participant both
physically
such as hands, eyes and mentally likes thinking, reflex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Nowadays, the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
championship in the world is losing its viewership. As video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming popular these days, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay attention to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Thus
, the Olympics needs e-sport to increase the number of viewers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it hot again.

On the contrary
, the others suppose that e-sport cannot be in the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
, I am more in this notion. The Olympics
was held
to honor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. To participate in e-sport, participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sit
still
in one place for several hours, maybe up to 70 hours a week, which leads to obesity and other weight problems.
Besides
, looking at the screen for that amount of time may ruin the eyesight of players.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which are
mostly
played in the international tournament are the violent ones. It can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the young watchers who are at the age of learning. They can become cruel and violent after watching this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
at the Olympics.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to discuss more whether they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the e-sport in the Olympics. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that e-sport in the Olympics is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that e-sport should be included in the Olympic Games while others are of the opinion that this kind of sport should never be accepted as an Olympic sport.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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