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nowadays people are choosing to socialize online.

nowadays people are choosing to socialize online. 96q3j
An increasing number of people recently tend to meet and talk to their friends online instead of in person. In my opinion this is a negative development and it may lead to isolation, health problems and harmful situation. One of the serious problems that may arise from people socializing online is that it can cause to isolation. Before the internet, people were going out to meet their friends in cafes, bars and restaurants, whereas now they prefer to stay at home communicating online. What makes this appealing is that it allows chatting any time without getting out comfort zone. However, after some time being stuck indoor without meeting others face to face might cause people to feel depressed. Having spent majority of time online has inevitably adverse effects on the way of life of people, for example change in eating habits or sleep patterns. It is clear that those ones are more likely to eat unhealthy foods or not eat properly and to sleep less. As a result, failing to eat healthy foods or to sleep well damages to people’s health. Lastly not we only talk to people that we know, but also we are in contact with new ones which makes the situation is risky. Because we will be able to know the newcomers to some extent as they introduced themselves. In many cases people hide their true characteristics and may make harm to us in any form either physical or emotional. In conclusion, although it has become very popular for people to socialize through the internet, it has brought about too many irreversible problems on society.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recently tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk to their friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
of in person. In my opinion this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and it may lead to isolation, health problems and harmful situation.

One of the serious problems that may arise from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socializing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that it can cause to isolation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were going out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends in
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, bars and restaurants, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they prefer to stay at home communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this appealing is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
chatting any time without getting out comfort zone.
However
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
being stuck
indoor without meeting others face to face might cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel depressed.

Having spent
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has
inevitably
adverse effects on the way of life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in eating habits or sleep patterns. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are more likely to eat unhealthy foods or not eat
properly
and to sleep less.
As a result
, failing to eat healthy foods or to sleep well damages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.

Lastly
not we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
we are in contact with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the situation is risky.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we will be able to know the newcomers to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent as they introduced themselves. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their true characteristics and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
harm to us in any form either physical or emotional.

In conclusion
, although it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize through the internet, it has brought about too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irreversible problems on society.
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IELTS essay nowadays people are choosing to socialize online.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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