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Some people believe that consumerism is good for countries, whereas others argue that it has negative consequences.

Some people believe that consumerism is good for countries, whereas others argue that it has negative consequences. PLgAX
It is often argued that consumerism brings undesirable effects on people’s lives while others disagree and think that it will give benefits. Although consumerism will cause people to buy things that are not really needed and only fulfill their desires, I believe that consumerism also causes the economic movement of society that opens up jobs. On one hand, Consumerism will offer many products that are diverse and relatively cheap. The variety of the goods will temp people to buy more even though they already have products that have the same function. One of my friends has so many watches to use in certain occasions. Actually, he merely needs 3 or 4 kinds of watches for his activities. But because of the nature of consumerism, he has a large collection of watches that he rarely uses them. It would be not a problem for people like him since they have enough money to fulfil their desires. On the other hand, consumerism drives the economy society. The more goods purchased by the community, the higher the production of goods and possibly the addition of employment. This will provide improved welfare for workers as well as employers. For example, during the Covid -19 pandemic, teenager stend to have a variety of designs of masks. Actually, they only need a few masks, but due to the availability of various interesting masks, they buy more. This condition brings to the proliferation of house hold industries and open jobs for many people. In conclusion, although consumerism do temp people to buy things that are not really needed, it also triggers the higher production of goods that opens up jobs and improve the welfare of workers.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that consumerism brings undesirable effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
while others disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will give benefits. Although consumerism will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things that are not
really
needed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfill their desires, I believe that consumerism
also
causes the economic movement of society that opens up jobs.

On one hand, Consumerism will offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products that are diverse and
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. The variety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
will temp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more
even though
they already have products that have the same function. One of my friends has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in certain occasions. Actually, he
merely
needs 3 or 4 kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
for his activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the nature of consumerism, he has a large collection of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
that he rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
them. It would be not a problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like him since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to fulfil their desires.

On the other hand
, consumerism drives the economy society. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the community, the higher the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
possibly
the addition of employment. This will provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
welfare for workers
as well
as employers.
For example
, during the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
-19 pandemic,
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenager stend
to have a variety of designs of masks. Actually, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a few masks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the availability of various interesting masks, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more. This condition brings to the proliferation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold industries and open jobs for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although consumerism do temp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things that are not
really
needed, it
also
triggers the higher production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
that opens up jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the welfare of workers.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that consumerism is good for countries, whereas others argue that it has negative consequences.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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