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Some people believe outdoor activities are more important in the development of a child than playing video games.to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe outdoor activities are more important in the development of a child than playing video games. with this statement? B7lRw
Constant technological advancement has played significant role in replacing age old practices such as children going outside at a designated time period to play with others of his age, or merely to enjoy the nature. These days children prefer to play video games on devices like computers or even smartphones-which is a topic that causes debate whether it is useful in the general development of a child. From my point of view, indulgement in such activities should be discouraged as long as possible for the betterment of the child. When a child plays outside it does not only serve the purpose of reasonless playing, rather the vast openness of nature instills priceless qualities in him, like inducing open minded thinking, in accepting the differences in the mankind and accept the changes graciously-the qualities we wish to see in a responsible citizen of future. Appreciating the ecology around us and making necessary attempts to preserve it, is yet another cause an adolescent should stay close to nature from an early age. Moreover, playing with other of his age prepare him for future life of coperating as a team with others, listening to different opinions and the mindset to change his own for better good. Whilst computers and other devices, creates a pseudo universe in the brain of a teenager, where physical fights and puzzle solvings are the solution to every mystery. If a young person gets accustomed to playing video games from an early age, his mind will continuously applaud passivity, something that is not worth in real. Some of the popular shooting games portray extensive violence that is unimaginable in real life, making the the child even more susceptible to delinquency, with tiny or no knowledge about diplomacy. These young ones grow up to be some form of hybrid species of humans, who can be seen in our day to lives where some millenials will be focusing on the screens in their hands irrespective of the time and place and devoid of basic social ettiquette. Even though twenty first century demands efficacy in technology from every individual, there is certain age limit when it should be available to an impressonable mind. In comparison to outdoor activities the computer games are nowhere near as good as the former one in aiding in the developmeng and growth of a child. Hence, i completey agree with the given statement.
Constant technological advancement has played significant role in replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
practices such as children going outside at a designated time period to play with others of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, or
merely
to enjoy the nature. These days children prefer to play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on devices like computers or even smartphones-which is a topic that causes debate whether it is useful in the general development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. From my point of view,
Possible spelling mistake found.
indulgement
in such activities should
be discouraged
as long as possible for the betterment of the child.

When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
plays outside it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serve the purpose of
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonless
playing,
rather
the vast openness of nature instills priceless qualities in him, like inducing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
thinking, in accepting the differences in the mankind and accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
graciously
-the qualities we wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in a responsible citizen of future. Appreciating the ecology around us and making necessary attempts to preserve it, is
yet
another cause an adolescent should stay close to nature from an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
prepare him for future life of
Possible spelling mistake found.
coperating
as a team with others, listening to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions and the mindset to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
for better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Whilst computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
devices, creates a pseudo universe in the brain of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, where physical fights and puzzle
Possible spelling mistake found.
solvings
are the solution to every mystery. If a young person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
accustomed to playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, his mind will
continuously
applaud passivity, something
that is
not worth in real.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
popular shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
portray extensive violence
that is
unimaginable in real life, making
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
even more susceptible to delinquency, with tiny or no knowledge about diplomacy. These young ones grow up to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of hybrid species of humans, who can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in our day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
millenials
will be focusing on the screens in their hands irrespective of the time and place and devoid of basic social
Possible spelling mistake found.
ettiquette
.

Even though
twenty
first
century demands efficacy in technology from every individual, there is certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit when it should be available to an
Possible spelling mistake found.
impressonable
mind.
In comparison
to outdoor activities the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are nowhere near as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the former one
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in aiding in
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
developmeng
and growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Hence
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
completey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.
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IELTS essay Some people believe outdoor activities are more important in the development of a child than playing video games. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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