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Some people believe that computer revolution has been only beneficial to society. Others say that there are also drawbacks. Which of thesr two positions you agree with and why ?

Some people believe that computer revolution has been only beneficial to society. Others say that there are also drawbacks. Which of thesr two positions you agree with and why? JoQj6
Without a doubt, the revolution in the computer technology has marked a significant effect on the society. However, this effect can not be depicted as being positive at all times. Therefore, I believe that the sudden evolution in the computer technology and the innovation of the internet in particular have also affected the society negatively. First of all, abduction through the various social networks is one of the major drawbacks that computers have promoted us with. Children sexual predetors usually use the internet as a way to abduct their victims. Unfortunately, we hear so many stories. . .
Without a doubt, the revolution in the computer technology has marked a significant effect on the society.
However
, this effect can not
be depicted
as being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
at all times.
Therefore
, I believe that the sudden evolution in the computer technology and the innovation of the internet
in particular
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the society
negatively
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, abduction through the various social networks is one of the major drawbacks that computers have promoted us with. Children sexual
Possible spelling mistake found.
predetors
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet as a way to abduct their victims. Unfortunately, we hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stories.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that computer revolution has been only beneficial to society. Others say that there are also drawbacks. Which of thesr two positions you agree with and why?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
98 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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