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Some people believe that children should do unpaid community work in their free time.which is very beneficial for the soiety development.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that children should do unpaid community work in their free time. which is very beneficial for the soiety development. with this statement? XnARr
It is believed by certain masses that youngsters should spend their leisure time by doing work for society welfare which are unpaid because, it has numerous benefits for them as well as nation also. I partially agree with this given notion, which i will discuss in the further crumb of writing. To start with, it is undeniable that if youngsters give more preference to unpaid community work in their spare time, then they cannot indulge in the bad company. Because they do not have enough time for thinking that kinds of things which is also beneficial for the society, as it will reduce the crime rate in the country. Secondly, they will able to spend their free time with their peers, which ultimately lead to enhancement in their interaction. Apart from it, infrastructure of a nation will be improved, because some of welfare activities will be done by youngsters without the greed of money and government will become able to allocate these funds for the other development. On the other hand, since the beginning of 21st century, the competition is increasing with a constant rate and thats why people want to spend their free time to enhance their knowledge and experience about a particular work. which will have fruitfull results in their future. For instance, it is clear from the recent survey that more than half of the teenagers population want to become productive, so they spend their precious time in internship and training regarding a particular job. Because they want to earn money for own and for their dependents. To conclude, it has myraid of benefits, if children do work for the society welfare in their lesiure time without any commission, but somebody cannot ignore thier responsibility towards their dependents and their future.
It
is believed
by certain masses that youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for society welfare which are unpaid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it has numerous benefits for them
as well
as nation
also
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion, which
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss in the
further
crumb of writing. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is undeniable that if youngsters give more preference to unpaid community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, then they cannot indulge in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for thinking that kinds of things which is
also
beneficial for the society, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate in the country.
Secondly
, they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their peers, which
ultimately
lead to enhancement in their interaction. Apart from it, infrastructure of a nation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of welfare activities will
be done
by youngsters without the greed of money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will become able to allocate these funds for the other development.
On the other hand
, since the beginning of 21st century, the competition is increasing with a constant rate and
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance their knowledge and experience about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
will have
Possible spelling mistake found.
fruitfull
results in their future.
For instance
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the recent survey that more than half of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "teenagers'" or "teenager's"?
teenagers
population want to become productive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in internship and training regarding a particular job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they want to earn money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and for their dependents.
To conclude
, it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
of benefits, if children do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the society welfare in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
lesiure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without any commission,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
somebody cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
responsibility towards their dependents and their future.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do unpaid community work in their free time. which is very beneficial for the soiety development. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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