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Some people believe that children should do organized activities in their free time while other believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time.

Some people believe that children should do organized activities in their free time while other believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. dPN6
Activities in the free time of children continue to be a controversial topic, some people think that children should be encouraged to participate in pre-organized activities, while others contend that everyone should be free to choose their own leisure activities. There are valid arguments on both side, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, engaging organized activities is certainly beneficial for children. It is true that these activities have well-research to bring vital soft skills to children like team spirit and cooperation when they get involve in group activities. For example, many team sports such as football or basketball help children learn how to work with their teammates to achieve their goals. Furthermore, organized activities are safe because children almost are under supervision. Being supported by the supervisors of activities, children gain several valuable experiences to enhance their confidence levels. Soft skills learned from organized activities are beneficial for children in the future. On the other hand, each child has different hobbies in his or her free time, so it will be better for the development of children if they can take part in activities on their own. In addition, it might be said that it is unwise to force children to do activities which they have no interest in. Choosing leisure activities independently gives children the freedom of thought and responsibilities to take up challenges. Due to the freedom of the choices, children will discover their hidden talents. As can be seen from newspapers or scientific journals, a lot of people gained outstanding achievements in their field because they could keep themselves occupied on their own in childhood stages. In conclusion, I feel that children should spend their free time doing activities what they really want, because the positive effect on their overall personality. This is as long as children are given a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that such activities will help to develop their skills.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
continue to be a controversial topic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, while others contend that everyone should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. There are valid arguments on both side, which I will discuss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, engaging organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is
certainly
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is true that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have well-research to bring vital soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like team spirit and cooperation when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
team sports such as football or basketball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how to work with their teammates to achieve their goals.
Furthermore
, organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
almost are under supervision.
Being supported
by the supervisors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain several valuable experiences to enhance their confidence levels. Soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
learned from organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future.

On the other hand
, each child has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hobbies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be better for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In addition
, it might
be said
that it is unwise to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which they have no interest in. Choosing leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
independently
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the freedom of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and responsibilities to take up challenges. Due to the freedom of the choices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will discover their hidden talents. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from newspapers or scientific journals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gained outstanding achievements in their field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in childhood stages.

In conclusion
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
what they
really
want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their
overall
personality. This is as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do organized activities in their free time while other believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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