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At the present time , the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of adults , compared with number of older people.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of adults, compared with number of older people. yoKD
It is irrefutable that due to globalisation migration has led to increase in population level of many countries. I would like explicate both pros and cons of the above statement at length in the paragraphs to come. To begin with it's positive side, the first advantage of having large number of young adults in the countries would help in overall development of the country as they are more familiar with the new skills and knowledge. In addition, the employment rates would also increase as many organisations would want to excel in various fields by acquiring maximum young knowledge and skills. On contrary, the older people tend to get exhausted quickly and lack physical strength and energy when compared to the young adults. This wil therefore, reduce the productivity and hence, will lead to lower GDP of the country. However, it has some downsides as well. The first and foremost drawback is, young adults have the urge to compete with their fellow youth which can create conflicts and hence, a decrease in GDP growth. On the other hand, older people have more experience and knowledge of a particular task which will enhance their personality. In conclusion, I pen down saying that, the population growth rate of a country should have an equal percentage of young and older adults so as to create equal opportunities and higher productivity and GDP growth.
It is irrefutable that due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
migration has led to increase in population level of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I would like explicate both pros and cons of the above statement at length in the paragraphs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, the
first
advantage of having large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
overall
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as they are more familiar with the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
In addition
, the employment rates would
also
increase as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
would want to excel in various fields by acquiring maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. On contrary, the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted
quickly
and lack physical strength and energy when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the productivity and
hence
, will lead to lower GDP of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides
as well
. The
first
and foremost drawback is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have the urge to compete with their fellow youth which can create conflicts and
hence
, a decrease in GDP growth.
On the other hand
, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more experience and knowledge of a particular task which will enhance their personality.
In conclusion
, I pen down saying that, the population growth rate of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have an equal percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
create equal opportunities and higher productivity and GDP growth.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of adults, compared with number of older people.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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