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Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. oGqg
It is a controversial matter that children should use their free time in a planned structure or according to their own interests. In my opinion, children should use their time what they want. Anybody mustn’t apply the noninterest plan to the young students, It destroys their happiness. First of all, Nowadays, children have heavy study work, and also they have a lot of pressure in the society, which will affect the mental health, as well as organized free-time, leads to heavy stress. In contrast, Individual infants wish, they can do entertaining and sporting activities namely drawing, music, swimming, etc. For example, Mr. MS DHONI played cricket in his free time in the child wood days now he became a successful player, he chose his leisure time himself not by anybody else. Furthermore, These kinds of free-time activities will give the confidence to come up in life, and also it shows the great path to achieve bigger. Secondly, child wood days is a precious time of everyone’s life. Parents or teacher should not insist their own likes on the children. On the contrary, Parents or teachers should encourage their children’s wishes and likes, they should show the good path to their children. For instances, all research paper saying, a child who did the favorite activity has a better and successful future when compared to those who are not doing. Moreover, Favourite actions give pleasure and happiness to infants and teenagers. I conclude from the examples and arguments given I firmly believe that the children should choose their free-time activities but not by others.
It is a controversial matter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a planned structure or according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
what they want. Anybody mustn’t apply the
Possible spelling mistake found.
noninterest
plan to the young students, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their happiness.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have heavy study work, and
also
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure in the society, which will affect the mental health,
as well
as organized free-time, leads to heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In contrast
, Individual infants wish, they can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go entertaining".
do entertaining
and sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
namely
drawing, music, swimming, etc.
For example
, Mr. MS
Possible spelling mistake found.
DHONI
played cricket in his free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the child wood days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he became a successful player, he chose his leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
himself not by anybody else.
Furthermore
, These kinds of free-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will give the confidence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up in life, and
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the great path to achieve bigger.

Secondly
, child wood days is a precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of everyone’s life. Parents or teacher should not insist their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
likes on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
On the contrary
, Parents or teachers should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
wishes and likes, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
path to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For instances, all research paper saying, a child who did the favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has a better and successful future when compared to those who are not doing.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Favourite' is British English.
Favourite
actions give pleasure and happiness to infants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

I conclude from the examples and arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose their free-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not by others.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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