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Some people believe that children should be given a smartphone as soon as they begin their elementary school studies. Others believe this may harm a child's development and parents should wait until their children are older and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having a smartphone. Which view do you agree with? What miht some consequences be of giving a young child a smartphone? 01:11 Reply Edit Copy Selected Text Pin Forward Select Delete

Some people believe that children should be given a smartphone as soon as they begin their elementary school studies. Others believe this may harm a child's development and parents should wait until their children are older and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having a smartphone. Which view do you agree with? What miht some consequences be of giving a young child a smartphone? 01: 11 Reply Edit Copy Selected Text Pin Forward Select Delete Jw0M0
Smartphones and gadgets are the main part of our daily life. Therefore it is believed that by certain people, children ought to be awarded with the mobile phone when they commenced their primary school. Nonetheless, others argue that it would be detrimental to the enhancement of children thus parents ought to be aware to all menaces coming from smartphones. In order to sort it out they don’t buy mobil phones until their children become youngester, in other word when they stand their foot versus all threats. I also strongly support the latter idea and agree children can only get phone when they understand the world dangers. If parent don’t do that in the sake of their children it lead to several damages to children. The first and foremost reason to justify my point of view is that giving mobile phone to children earlier put them vulnerable situation. That is to say they are inclined to use phone for various purposes. They for instance not only utilize it just for playing game or watching funny videos for children from youtube but also use social media particularly in order to describe new people without perceiving the peril which come from stranger. Children are the most prone to dangers especially come from strangers hence parent sould to regulate their children phone regularly or the best not to buy it untill they get young. One of the biggest effect of giving mobile phone to children can be distraction issue. Even if we ensure all precations agains menaces come from social media there is inevitible problem which directly affect on the enhancement of children. For example they would be distract from smartphones and rather than doing homework they opt for playing game as it is much more alluring and joyful to them. However in this case they will be lazy to complate their responsibility so it lead to stay back compared to peers them. Therefore it would be excellent stay apart mobile phones from children. To sum up, despite some people argue is that parents should give smartphone to their shildren when they pass elementry school, I entirely believe that it is the worst false thing to do which it takes a great deal of issues with them.
Smartphones and gadgets are the main part of our daily life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it
is believed
that by certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be awarded
with the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
when they commenced their primary school. Nonetheless, others argue that it would be detrimental to the enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to be aware to all menaces coming from smartphones. In order to sort it out they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
mobil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
until their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngester
, in other word when they stand their foot versus all threats. I
also
strongly
support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
when they understand the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
don’t do that in the sake of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to several damages to children.

The
first
and foremost reason to justify my point of view is that giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
earlier put them vulnerable situation.
That is
to say they
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for various purposes. They
for instance
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
utilize it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for playing game or watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
videos for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media
particularly
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without perceiving the peril which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from stranger.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the most prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from strangers
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
Possible spelling mistake found.
sould
to regulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
regularly
or the best not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
young.

One of the biggest effect of giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be distraction issue. Even if we ensure all
Possible spelling mistake found.
precations
Possible spelling mistake found.
agains
menaces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from social media there is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inevitible
problem which
directly
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, they".
example they
would be
Consider using the past participle "distracted"?
distract
from smartphones and
rather
than doing homework they opt for playing game as it is much more alluring and joyful to them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in this case
they will be lazy to
Possible spelling mistake found.
complate
their responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to stay back compared to peers them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it would be excellent stay apart mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
from children.

To sum up, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give smartphone to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
shildren
when they pass
Possible spelling mistake found.
elementry
school, I
entirely
believe that it is the worst false thing to do which it takes a great deal of issues with them.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be given a smartphone as soon as they begin their elementary school studies. Others believe this may harm a child's development and parents should wait until their children are older and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having a smartphone. Which view do you agree with? What miht some consequences be of giving a young child a smartphone? 01: 11 Reply Edit Copy Selected Text Pin Forward Select Delete

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people believe that children should be given a smartphone as soon as they begin their elementary school studies. Others believe this may harm a child's development and parents should wait until their children are older and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having a smartphone. Which view do you agree with? What miht some consequences be of giving a young child a smartphone? 01:11 Reply Edit Copy Selected Text Pin Forward Select Delete